I Cannot Stinkin’ Believe…

…that I am still protesting this crap.
by Susan Bankston

Since 1968. That’s how long I’ve thought we should decriminalize marijuana. 1968. Most of you weren’t even born then. And with almost a sure bet that I’ll develop glaucoma in my lifetime, I need this stuff now more than ever. Okay, maybe not ever. There’s been some tension in my life, if you know what I mean.

Back in June, Ron Paul and Barney Frank co-sponsored a measure “ending the federal war on marijuana and letting states legalize, regulate, tax, and control marijuana without federal interference.”

Texas Republican congressvarmint Lamar Smith promptly announced that he will kill the bill. Lamar Smith is delusional. He thinks President Obama is personally encouraging people to smoke dope. No, I am not high and making this stuff up. Lookie here at what The Hill reported about Smith last year:

“Rep. Lamar Smith, the top Republican member of the House Judiciary Committee who would likely become chairman of the committee under a GOP majority, accused the administration of being too lax in its enforcement of drug laws.

“‘The administration is clearly sending the message that they don’t think it’s bad to use marijuana,’ Smith said on Fox News. ‘So they’re encouraging the use of marijuana. And that simply is not a good thing to do.’”

Lamar, every time you open your mouth, you encourage the use of stoopid. Dude, you have reefer madness. You’ve been too drunk to even scratch yourself, but a little weed is gonna end civilization? Marijuana brought down Rome?

By the way, have you folks ever noticed that anytime the guys on the wacko right don’t like something, they say it brought down Rome? Women’s lib brought down Rome. Homosexuality brought down Rome. Toga parties brought down Rome. (Okay, so maybe they did. Bad example.) No-fault divorce brought down Rome. Barack Obama brought down Rome.

Back to where I was going: Lamar Smith believes that marijuana leads to stronger drugs—you know, like alcohol leads to rat poison. Blue jeans lead to dirty dancing. Education leads to masturbation. Piano lessons lead to . . . oh, excuse me, I’m having a sudden attack of damned-if-I-know.

I just don’t get it. We sell cigarettes, alcohol, and caffeine, but cancer patients can’t use the most effective drug against nausea because Lamar Smith does not want to do anything that President Obama thinks is sane. I would rather try to shoot pool with a rope than reason with Lamar Smith. I’m not saying he’s hardheaded, but you could turn him upside down and use him as a rock crusher.

Lamar, I swear that if I get the glaucoma, I am coming to your office and stick a cattle prod in your overalls. I promise you.

Look, Lamar, Willie Nelson smokes every day and he’s 78 years old and works harder than a man one-fourth his age. He’s living proof that marijuana is like vitamins.

1968, Lamar. Since 1968 I have been protesting this crap. My tired hurts, Lamar.

Susan Bankston lives in Richmond, Texas, where she writes about her hairdresser at The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc., at juanitajean.com.



Susan Bankston

Susan Bankston lives in Richmond, Texas, where she writes about her hairdresser at The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc., at juanitajean.com.

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