...mess with Texas
by Susan Bankston
Last month, Texas’s pride and joy, Governor Rick Perry, said that he does not see much wrong with United States Marines, the cream of our crop, wizzing on enemy corpses.
I’m going to be honest with you and tell you that I grew up with only brothers, married a man, and gave birth to only sons. As far as I know, there are only two positions for a toilet seat—up or wet. I understand that men like to wizz on things. Face it, camping was invented solely so that men could wizz outside. The only other possible reason to camp is that you’re homeless because Republicans like Rick Perry wizzed on the housing market.
Rick Perry wizzes on everything—taxpayers, school children, women in need of health care, property owners, gays, cute little puppies, your lunch when you look the other way, Anita’s meticulously planted flowers in the backyard, Ron Paul’s paper sack of gold he carries everywhere…you name it, Rick has wizzed on it or is sincerely looking forward to doing so.
If you ever wanted to start a wizzing farm, you could use Rick Perry for breeding stock. It’s the one and only thing he’s really good at.
I had this abnormal fear that the next thing I was going to hear on the news is Rick Perry saying with a twang, “Honey, we wizz on everything in Texas. Why, I got drunk once and wizzed on a homecoming queen.” Yep, that’s the Texas I luv.
Oddly, the one place he didn’t wizz was the governor’s mansion when it was on fire. He wouldn’t wizz on that, because he’d had his eye on a $10,000 a month taxpayer finance McMansion in a gated community with a swimming pool…that he could wizz in.
In fact, that’s the entire Republican economic plan: Wizz on It.
In Texas, using a toilet is for sissies…and men who are too dumb to remember up or down.
Susan Bankston lives in Richmond, Texas, where she writes about her hairdresser at The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc., at juanitajean.com.