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Let’s Get All-Star-ted with RuPaul’s Drag Race All-Stars

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By Ryan M. Leach

Screen Shot 2016-07-07 at 4.15.21 PMThis summer has been long, hot, and wet. We could all use a little shade and RuPaul’s Drag Race: All-Stars 2 will be providing it on Thursday, August 25 when it premieres on Logo. For eight regular seasons and one All-Star season, RuPaul has been gagging us with the eleganza extravaganza we have all come to love. I have been watching the queens serve us all their fishy realness since season one, back when Porkchop was a competitor and RuPaul’s camera lens was slicked with Vaseline. All-Stars 2 is the culmination of the best and the brightest queens to strut their stuff down the runway.

Season two’s cast is a who’s-who of who didn’t win. One of these queens will finally ascend to claim their rightful place in Drag Race Royalty alongside the likes of Bebe, Bianca, Violet, and…Bob. Screen Shot 2016-07-07 at 4.16.11 PMAs always, the final decision will be RuPaul’s to make, but in the meantime, let’s catch up on our queens and predict who will become America’s next drag all-star.

Season 2 promises to be entirely different from Season 1. This season the rules of the game will change for our All-Stars. No longer will the queen’s lip-sync for their lives. In All-Stars 2, they will lip-sync For. Their. LEGACY! The top two each week will perform to win the top spot and that week’s winner will determine which queen will sashay away. This is a total flip-flop on traditional seasons where the bottom two compete to stay in the competition and RuPaul chooses who was slightly less terrible. Under the new rules alliances like Ro-Laska-Tox may be able to swing the competition.

We won’t know how this season shakes out until the premiere, but in the meantime, I have my own ideas of who will end up the tops and the bottoms of the competition. From worst to first I break down the queens. Let’s get all-started, shall we?

  1. Screen Shot 2016-07-07 at 4.17.11 PMTatiana (season two, fourth place): The first thing I thought of when I saw that Tatiana was in the cast was “Where’s Willam?” Had Tatiana been in any of the more competitive seasons (four through eight), she would have been out third. As an All-Star, against the best of the best, her ability to form a life-saving alliance will be difficult. I predict she is gone first. Thank you.
  1. Coco Montrese (season five, fifth place): The Coco vs. Alyssa storyline has played out. If there is a part two in the saga, I doubt it will be anything interesting—sort of like Coco’s post Drag Race career. This queen hasn’t shown up on any of the tours, and her Instagram is Insta-invisible. Every queen knows that if you ain’t on IG, then you ain’t taking home the crown. Also, Alyssa has stronger ties to the other queens, which will help her go further.
  1. Screen Shot 2016-07-07 at 4.17.45 PMKatya (season seven, fifth place/Miss Congeniality): Don’t be mad at me for this one. I love Katya. I really, really do. But I am worried that her kind and humorous spirit might outweigh her ability to compete or cause enough drama to stay on the show. Sure, she shined in season seven, but so did Pearl, allegedly. Katya vs. Ro-Laska-Tox? Sorry, hunty. You’re sweet, but sweet don’t win the crown.
  1. Roxxxy Andrews (season five, runner-up): Roxxxy was easily the villain of her season. She was the Regina George of the Ro-Laska-Tox mean girls. However, this queen did bust out a wig under another wig during a lip-sync challenge and she performed consistently well. But if her frown hasn’t turned upside down by the time the season kicks off, then she won’t last too long—that is unless she still has a few manipulative tricks up her sleave.
  1. Screen Shot 2016-07-07 at 4.18.15 PMGinger Minj (season seven, runner-up): I was rooting for Ginger to take the season seven crown. Between Violet’s bad attitude and Pearl being a snooze-fest, Ginger seemed like the only one who could have reigned supreme after Bianca. This is Ginger’s opportunity to shine. And, as a season seven contestant, she might be able to fly under the radar for a while. It’s also about time RuPaul gave a curvy girl the crown.
  1. Detox (season five, fourth place): Detox is a great queen. She is funny to look at and funny to watch. Had it not been for her neon green Oreo dress in season six, she could have made it into the top three. I question whether Detox has really grown into an All-Star that can take it all the way. She will be a great foil to Phi-Phi, though. They will either be best friends or two cats in a bag. And if they are best friends, then the competition better watch out.
  1. Screen Shot 2016-07-07 at 4.19.20 PMAdore Delano (season six, runner-up): J’adore Adore. She is one of the most talented queens in the line-up. She can sing, dance, act, and even rap. After all, she is a Sagittarius from SoCal. I think she will make it far in the competition, but she may get outshined by the more charismatic and competitive queens who have something to prove. Adore is good at making alliances like the one she had with Bianca in Season 6, and that might be a strength.
  1. Phi-Phi O’hara (season four, runner-up): Easily the most hated queen of all time. Her feud with season four winner, Sharon Needles, is up there with Krystle and Alexis. It’s been a rough go for Phi-Phi post RPDR—aside from being universally hated, she also ran into some trouble with the law. But things have been looking up. Her Instagram is blowing up with some amazing looks that could give Kim Chi a run for her money. Screen Shot 2016-07-07 at 4.20.28 PMShe has been on tour with the Battle of the Seasons, and we shouldn’t forget that she was a fierce competitor in her season. I think All-Stars might be Phi-Phi’s season of redemption.
  1. Alyssa Edwards (season five, sixth place): Alyssa Edwards is one of my favorite queens in all of drag-race herstory. (Back-rolls!) Since her season, she has built up the Haus of Edwards with drag daughters and Drag Race alumni Shangela, LaGanja, Gia Gunn, and Vivienne Pene. She can also dance the house down, and she found her stride with comedy and killer looks. I think Alyssa could take yet another crown.
  1. Screen Shot 2016-07-07 at 4.21.46 PMAlaska (season five, runner-up): Alaska is going to win. Since her season, she has released several albums, hit the RuPaul’s Battle of the Seasons Tour, redefined and reinvented her look about 10 times over and has also become somewhat of a comedian on the Drag Queens of Comedy tour. She’s completely out of the shadow of her former partner Sharon Needles and making it big on the drag scene. I think she is going to snatch the crown.

Which reminds me! All-Star Snatch Game. Oh, this is going to be good! YAAAAAAAAS KWEEEEEN!

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Ryan Leach

Ryan Leach is a frequent contributor to OutSmart magazine. Follow him on Medium at www.medium.com/@ryan_leach.
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