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A Monologue in your Lap

You’ll love Ellen’s new book…mostly
by Terri Schlichenmeyer

Sometimes, it’s hard not to laugh. When your favorite four-year-old says something hilariously profound, you bite your lip, knowing that you’d be in trouble if you bust a gut.

If your beloved does something silly but well-meaning, you twist your lips to avoid the outburst you know is coming.

When your great aunt shows up at holiday dinner dressed like that, you know there’d better not be even one Ha! to escape your lips.

Yep, sometimes it’s hard not to laugh, but it’s easy to do it when you read Seriously…I’m Kidding by Ellen DeGeneres.

“As it turns out, writing a book is hard,” says DeGeneres.

This is her third book, each one sharing a “…” in the title. She didn’t think writing it would be difficult because, after all, she has a lot to say every day for at least an hour. There’s a lot of talking on a talk show, you know.

There’s a lot of listening, too, and daydreaming is not allowed. DeGeneres listens to many famous people, and one of her favorites is Portia de Rossi, whom she says is “beautiful, and one of the nicest people I’ve ever met.” Fortunately, a letter from a genealogical society confirmed that she and de Rossi are related. By marriage.

Meaning, they’re married.

And in answer to nosy people, no, they aren’t planning on having a family, because “there is far too much glass” in their house. Besides, first you have to give birth. “I won’t go into specifics,” says DeGeneres, “but ouch and no thank you.”

Now then, just in case you’re thinking that this book is all fluff, you’ll also find useful advice in these pages.

DeGeneres gives readers tips on being a supermodel and how to know what clothes will come back in fashion. She writes about polls and why people shouldn’t put too much faith in them. She offers several ways to gamble while in Las Vegas. She gives kudos to funny women who’ve paved the way for people like her. And you’ll find some impressively big words in this book.

But will you find laughs? Yes…but.

Yes, Seriously…I’m Kidding is seriously funny. Reading it is like having a 241-page monologue in your lap. Author and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres is as good in this book as she is onstage, and DeGeneres’s wicked wit beams bright from almost each page. Some of her lines practically beg you to call your mother and share aloud.

But wait. Did you notice I said “almost”? There are times when this book dives below silliness. An entire page devoted to sound effects? Four pages of drawings for your child to color? Seriously? Jokes like these, and a few go-nowhere “short stories,” may leave readers scratching their heads. Fortunately, the fall-flats are few, but still…

If you’re a fan of DeGeneres’s talk show or stage performances, you’ll find a treasure-trove of classic humor that you won’t want to be without. For you, Seriously…I’m Kidding will be a hard book to miss.

Terri Schlichenmeyer has been reading since she was three years old, and she never goes anywhere without a book. She lives on a hill in Wisconsin with two dogs and 11,000 books.


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Terri Schlichenmeyer

Terry Schlichenmeyer is a regular contributor to OutSmart Magazine.

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