Wrap up your holiday shopping for the naughty and nice
by Marene Gustin
Candy canes and oranges are fine, but as comedian Mitch Hedberg says, “A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.” Since those are hard to find, here are some other ideas.
Hanz de Fuko mini hair products
$12 • hanzdefuko.com.
Beloved by Tom Cruise and Bruno Mars, these hair products now come in travel sizes—perfect for stocking stuffers. Includes Modify Pomade, Sponge Wax, Quicksand, and Scheme Cream.
Gifts of pampering are gifts from heaven, and who doesn’t need a little fixing up this time of year? And, as Truvy said in Steel Magnolias, “There is no such thing as natural beauty.”
Massage gift cards
$75 • Massage Heights.
It’s the gift that gives back to you! This holiday stop by one of Massage Heights Houston Retreat locations to buy a $75 gift card and receive a free hot stone therapy, up to a $40 value. Not that we’re greedy, but just saying.
A good book is a fine gift for a loved one, and as author Charles Bukowski points out, “I often carry things to read so I will not have to look at the people.”
100 Contemporary Fashion Designers
$29.99 • Two volumes, soft cover, taschen.com.
An indispensible reference work for anyone interested in the future of fashion. Fast-rising new designers—tomorrow’s superstars—are featured alongside industry giants and established practitioners, including Haider Ackermann, Dolce & Gabbana, Tom Ford, Jean Paul Gaultier, Marc Jacobs, Christian Lacroix, Karl Lagerfeld, Alexander McQueen, Stefano Pilati, and Zac Posen.
Jewelry is always an appropriate gift. As Sonja Henie said,” Jewelry takes people’s minds off your wrinkles.”
Proposition Love Fine Jewelry
Various prices at propositionlove.com.
All kinds of pretty bling that supports the cause, from pendants to bracelets and earrings. And who wouldn’t want to get an EnGAYment ring under the tree this year?
Lily Tomlin says, “If you read a lot of books, you are considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you’re not considered well-viewed.”
Bewitched: The Complete Series
Get all eight seasons, colorized on thirty-three discs, starring some of our favorite gay actors (Dick Sargent and Agnes Moorehead) for the first time. At sonypictures.com.
James Dean Ultimate Collector’s Edition
The ultimate Blu-ray collection of hunky James Dean’s three best films: East of Eden, Rebel Without a Cause, and Giant. Just $99.98 with a special book and DVD extras from Warner Bros. Home Entertainment. Available at amazon.com.
Marilyn Monroe once said, “I’ve been on a calendar, but I’ve never been on time.” Nobody likes a boring calendar, so we’ve got a few that should warm your winter heart.
Houston Fire Fighters Calendar
$20 • houstonburnedchildrensfund.com.
The money goes to a good cause, the Burned Children’s Fund. But let’s face it, the only reason we want one is to ogle the
strapping, half-naked hunks with big hoses slung over their shoulders.
Holocaust Museum Butterfly Calendar
$13.77 • The Holocaust Museum or online at hmh.org.
Beautiful photos of butterflies will make you smile, but this calendar has a deeper meaning as it commemorates The Butterfly Project to honor the children who died during the Holocaust.
Food & Booze
Gifts that are edible and drinkable are always appreciated, and you know they will be used. Particularly the booze. As Dave Barry says, “Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”
Take the Black Stout
$8.50 a bottle at liquor stores
Perfect for GOT fans, Brewery Ommegang and HBO’s highly anticipated second beer in the Game of Thrones series—Take the Black Stout—can be found in bars, restaurants, grocery and beverage stores this holiday season. The brew is inspired by the Night’s Watch, a military order dressed in black, which holds and guards The Wall. If you don’t know what we’re talking about, buy a six-pack and catch up on the show.
Molecular Gastronomy Cosmopolitan Cocktail Kit
$34.95 • Houston Museum of Natural Science gift store
For the mixologist on your list, this kit will let them serve a cosmopolitan bubble on a spoon that will pop in your mouth, top off a cocktail with a light
fluffy cranberry foam, or suspend citrus caviar in your drink. So cool.
Spec’s gift baskets
Spec’s, multiple locations,
We would kill to get a Spec’s gift basket! At the stores, they have some already made, full of booze, snacks, and glassware—but you can also create your own. If you want to shop at the mothership in Midtown, go early—it’s always packed right before the holidays, and they have tons of giftable items.
Spec’s, multiple locations, various prices
Riedel glassware is to wine as Wedgwood china is to food. A wine lover’s favorite for more than 250 years, each Riedel glass is
specially designed to highlight the best qualities of its respective wine variety and to deliver a perfect tasting experience.
One Hope Wines
onehopewine.com, various prices
Give the gift of wine that pays it forward. This company partners with nonprofits to give money to great causes like animal shelters, veterans, and AIDS. Order a boxed gift set of their merlot and half of the profits go to Fight Against AIDS.
Maybe give a little something for the home? Just make it something nice, because Sylvester Stallone says, “If bad decorating was a hanging offense, there would be bodies hanging from every tree.” Don’t piss off Stallone.
From Hollywood Frame Gallery
2427 Bissonnet St.,
• Disney Fine Art Collector’s Editions
Brightly colored art that recreates the animated world of Disney. For kids and adults alike.
• Jim Tweedy gifts
Comical, adorable Tweedy pup pictures are perfect gifts for dog lovers. The store has original paintings, prints,
T-shirts, caps, books, and more.
From Coda in the Heights
355 W 19th St, Houston
Home gifts, various prices
This charming home and gift store has some fun things this holiday season. How about an Elf in the Pants candy dish ($38) or Santa cookie plates ($12 and $17)?
From Eclectic Home
345 W 19th St., Houston
Home gifts, various prices
Also in The Heights, this shop has tons of gifts, from the Josefina tall red cylinder vase ($198) to a gorgeous art glass abstract ($170).
“Don’t get your panties in such a twist . . . and give me back mine,” from Fifty Shades of Grey. Because erotica is the gift that keeps on giving.
Erotic videos and toys
Executive Adult Video Super
Store & Theater, 14002 Northwest Fwy., Houston,
Your one stop for all your adult entertainment needs. Rent or purchase your favorite adult DVDs. Purchase toys, novelties, magazines, massage oils, lingerie, costumes, clothing, plus many other products. Ho, ho, HO.