LeftOut

by Paula Martinac

DEAR DR. LAURA

A gift from Schlessinger indicates disrespect, not friendship

Recently, I received a surprising piece of fan mail from Lew Bishop, the

husband of Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Bishop thanked me on his wife's behalf for my "reasoned and fair column" criticizing members of the gay movement-most notably, GLAAD-for trying to shut down opposing points of view, including those of Dr. Laura. For 20 years I have identified as a left-of-center lesbian-feminist, and since I don't defend Schlessinger's views, only her right to have them heard, Bishop's e-mail threw me for a loop. It's an uncomfortable experience for a progressive lesbian writer to be praised by

Dr. Laura, whom many consider a nemesis of the gay community.

Complicating my feelings even further, Dr. Laura sent me a gift of two books. One was a copy of openly lesbian Tammy Bruce's The New Thought Police: Inside the Left's Assault on Free Speech and Free Minds, which was signed "Warmly, Dr. Laura." The second was Schlessinger's own recent publication, 10 Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Relationships, which was signed to me "in friendship."

I suppose I could have simply seen the books as a thoughtful gesture of outreach and left it at that. Among writers, presenting a colleague with a signed book is considered a token of respect and camaraderie. In Dr. Laura's case, it may have even been an invitation to dialogue-and I have recently in my column advocated dialogue between people on opposite sides of a political spectrum, which she and I most certainly are.

At the same time, I had to look at why receiving the e-mail and then the books made me feel oddly disrespected-erased, even. Dr. Laura didn't stop to consider that a progressive lesbian who criticizes a left-wing gay tactic or position might be capable of many shades of gray in her political thinking. To her, I was just simply and automatically a kindred spirit.

I found it annoying, for example, given how public my politics are, to be mistaken for someone who would identify with Tammy Bruce, who also defends Dr. Laura's freedom to be heard but whose views I am highly critical of. Bruce, a former president of the Los Angeles chapter of NOW and radio talk-show host, has forged a successful new career in print and on TV by bashing the left she once considered herself part of. (Larry King loves that kind of stuff.) Like a string of other "bad girls" before her-Christina Hoff Sommers, Daphne Patai, Katie Roiphe, and Camille Paglia, to name a few-Bruce has found that women writers who blame feminism for society's ills can score a lucrative book contract in seconds flat, because their controversial books get high-profile reviews and fly off the shelves.

More annoyingly, though, the gift of Dr. Laura's book on relationships went further than just misreading my politics-it rendered me completely invisible as a lesbian. Although I didn't read the entire volume, I spent a fair amount of time looking through the examples, curious to see if by some slim chance Dr. Laura had suddenly become like other straight self-help writers who incorporate scenarios from same-sex relationships into their books. Would she actually acknowledge that some of the problems facing couples-like fighting over money, keeping secrets, or not getting to know each other well enough before committing-are universal ones that also affect the gay people who listen and call in to her show?

Not a chance. The "couples" referred to in 10 Stupid Things are exclusively straight and mostly married, which makes the book a strange gift for an out lesbian who can't legally marry her partner of almost 10 years and has written a book about the ups and downs of same-sex relationships. In fact, giving me that particular book "in friendship" was as disrespectful and self-absorbed as if I had sent Dr. Laura, an observant Jew, a big old Christmas card.

I'm carefully considering what an appropriate response to my gift from Dr. Laura might be, beyond a mere thank-you note. Certainly a parallel one would be sending her a signed copy of my Lesbian and Gay Book of Love and Marriage along with Richard Goldstein's The Attack Queers: Liberal Society and the Gay Right, a recent book on why right-wing gay thinkers and writers are the darlings of the mainstream press.

But instead, I think I will just send her this column with a friendly suggestion: "Stop, Dr. Laura, and consider how your gift to me really only validated you."

Paula Martinac is a Lambda Literary Award-winning author of seven books. She can be reached at PMcolumn@aol.com.