Kathy Najimy: A Colorful LifeóBi All Means

 

Actress, activist, funny lady Kathy Najimy gives an exclusive interview to OutSmart on the eve of her Houston appearance for the Black Tie Dinner

 

by Blase DiStefano

Maybe youíve seen her as Kirstie Alleyís associate on the sitcom Veronicaís Closet. In movies, she was Sister Mary Patrick, the great giggly nun with the great voice in Sister Act, for which she won an American Comedy Award. (Other films include Soapdish, Hocus Pocus, The Fisher King, and Hope Floats.)

 

For those of you who donít recognize her, maybe youíve heard her voice on Foxís animated series King of the Hillósheís Peggy Hill, the ìqueenî of the Hill family.

 

However, before all of these incarnations, Najimy was Kathy in The Kathy and Mo Show, a hilarious off-Broadway and HBO sketch revue, which won an Obie Award for the stage show and two Cable Ace Awards for the special.

 

I would be remiss if I didnít mention her ìgayî repertoire: Sharon Stoneís gynecologist in HBOís If These Walls Could Talk 2, written and directed by Anne Heche; a cameo appearance in the film Jeffrey; her voiced character in HBOís animated The Sissy Duckling, written by Harvey Fierstein; and her featured role in three episodes of Ellen (and while weíre on the subject, Ellen DeGeneres is godmother to her daughter).

 

Najimy has been involved for many years in AIDS activism (she has been honored with the L.A. Shantiís Founder Award and the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Centerís Distinguished Achievement Award).

 

Najimy will be here for the Houston Black Tie Dinner on November 15. The event (www.houstonblacktiedinner.org) benefits PFLAG/H.A.T.C.H. Youth Scholarship Fund, Bering Omega Community Services, AssistHers, An Uncommon Legacy Foundation, Montrose Counseling Center, and People With AIDS Coalition.

 

I talked to Najimy by phone while she was in the midst of planning a party for her mother and contending with kitchen remodelers. Though the interview was scheduled for 15 minutes, she graciously gave her undivided attention for almost 45 minutes.

 

Blase DiStefano: Hi, Kathy.

 

Kathy Najimy: Hi, how are you?

BD: OK. How are you doing?

 

KN: Good. Sorry about that time mix-up. I had a bunch of kitchen remodeling people over, and it got away from me.

 

BD: No problem. So tell me about being lesbian ... I mean Lebanese.

 

KN: [Laughs] Iím full-blooded Lebaneseómy mom was born in Beirut. My father was also Lebaneseóhis parents were born in Lebanonóand my daughterís name is Samia, which is an Arabic name. I am heavily involved in the Arabic movement, and Iíve received awards and made speeches.

 

In fact, Iím about to throw a 75th birthday party for my mother. Weíre doing it in a big Arabic supper club, and then the next day weíre having a party for her at my house by the pool with an Arabic band. And Lebanese food is the best. My mom is the best cook, period, but the best Lebanese-food cook in the world. And itís
the food I grew up on. My husband hardly eats anythingóhe eats like four different things in allóbut heíll eat anything my mom touches.

 

BD: What are some Lebanese foods?

 

KN: Tabouli, rolled grape leaves, baba ghanoush, falafelóthatís all Lebanese food.

 

And the dancing is really beautiful, and the women are the most beautiful women in the world. I was taught from when I was little, but itís a point of pride, and so I try to instill that in my daughter whoís half Irish and half Lebanese.

 

BD: Werenít you Lebanese on Veronicaís Closet?

 

KN: Yeah, when I accepted the offer to do Veronicaís Closet, one of the producers had the idea, which I thought was so cool, that Olive, my character, could be Lebanese. So we really worked that in ... not a lot, but anytime that Kirstieís character came over to my house, I would have like hummus and Arabic bread. My last name was Massery, which is my momís maiden last name. There arenít many Lebanese characters on TV.

BD: Are there any?

 

KN: Well, there was Danny Thomas, and then Jamie Farr was in M*A*S*HóI think he played Lebanese. I donít remember. Historically, there havenít been a lot of Lebanese characters on TV shows.

 

BD: Itís been educational, thank you. OK, now letís talk about Vagina Monologues.

 

KN: Actually, Iím one of the founding members of VDAY [a global movement inspired by the Vagina Monologues to stop violence against women and girls]. My friend is Eve Ensler, the woman who created Vagina Monologues.

 

Probably about seven years ago, I had a deal with NBC for my own television show, to develop it. But I didnít really want to have my own television show, and Eve really didnít want to write for television, so we were perfectly matched. We wrote this pilot that we were sure was going to be too controversial, and of course it was. I played a performance artist living in a loft in New York with my HIV-positive drag queen brother.

 

BD: [Laughs] Iím sure that went over really well.

 

KN: Yeah. I put a little Post-it on the outside of it: ìHereís our script. I think itís really funny, but I think youíre really crazy if you make it.î

 

Anyway, I met Eve through that pairing. I had met with maybe 80 writers before I chose Eve. Everyone sent samples, and the sample they sent for her was the Vagina Monologues. I thought it was just brilliant. I actually said to her, ìSomebody should do this. Iíll do it out on the street, or you should do it in a theater.î She started doing it, and we had the very first fundraiser here in my living room. With the money we raised, Eve put together the very first VDAY, which was in New York on Broadway. Then we did it here in L.A., and then we did Madison Square Garden where we raised $4 million in one night, and that was awesomeówith Oprah, Jane Fonda, Glenn Close, and Queen Latifah. That was an amazing night.

 

But the Vagina Monologues are done right now not only in the United States, but all over the world. And VDAYs are done now all over the world.

 

Eve is one of those people who by the virtue of her being has literally changed the world. Other than the fact that sheís my friend, I think sheís the most important person to emerge for freedom, peopleís rights, in the last 15 years. Sheís been so important with the whole vagina movement [laughs]. Iím really proud to know her.

 

BD: You said that was about seven years ago when it all started?

 

KN: Yeah, because I was with my husband then, and weíve been together for eight years.

BD: Oh, when is your anniversary?

 

KN: Our anniversary is in August. Samia is six years old.

 

BD: On to the other end of the spectrumówhat do you think of Bush as a president?

 

KN: Well, I think itís the most frightening thing that could be happening right nowóto have a president who is so narrow-minded with a worldview an inch wide. He has no sense of the world and respect for the world and culture and who really is responsible for what. I think what he is, is a cheerleader who gets people riled up to hate, and in this mass hate he could be the leader of this hate cheerleading team. Iím the most patriotic person youíll find. However, I donít believe in bombing anywhere, let alone countries you know.

 

And then the fact that he would say what he said about gay people, that ìIím a sinner, too.î The f--ker. Who wants you on our side? Donít even equate yourself with gay people. We donít even want you to say you have anything in common with gay people. First of all, gay people arenít sinners. Theyíre better people than youíll ever be in your whole entire life, and donít bring us down to your level. I say that because I feel like Iím part of the community.

 

So I think itís dangerous. I have a six-year-old daughter. Iím frightened about whatís going to happen with choice. Iím frightened with whatís going to happen with gay and lesbian rights. On the whole, Iím frightened about the tone of the country towards the rest of the world and the self-superiority and the ignorance that comes in the huge decisions that literally take lives. So on a very big level, Iím afraid, and on a smaller level, Iím angry.

 

Heís got some agendas that have nothing to do with peace and love and security and prosperity. His agendas are a little bit more ... not emotional, but visceral, I think.

 

BD: Whoís on the top of your list for our next president?

 

KN: Right now Iím campaigning with Howard Dean, and Iím hoping that Wesley Clark will be his running mate. My first choice would be Hillary for president, but vice president would be OK. I find her very smart and very effective.

 

BD: What did you think of her health-care idea?

 

KN: I thought it could have been better thought out, but I thought that her purpose was in the right place. So I thought that she was seeing as the end result exactly what should be, but she needed to work on how to get there.

 

BD: Speaking of ìdirty blondes,î tell me a little about Dirty Blonde [Najimy played Mae West].

 

KN: Itís a play that I did on Broadway two years ago. Itís a really well-written play by Claudia Shear, and directed by James Lapine, whoís one of the premier directors of Broadway. To get offered the part was just a dream come true for me. I took my whole family to New York.

 

Then Jack OíBrien called me. He recently won the Tony for Hairspray and runs the Old Grove Theater, which is a gorgeous theater in San Diego, where I grew up. He called and said, ìLetís do Dirty Blonde at the Old Grove,î and I said I would do it in the summer when the kids were off from school. And it just turned out to beóand I donít say this about all projects; in fact Iím known to complain sometimesóone of those almost spiritual experiences. Everything was so beautiful, sold out every night, great reviews, beautiful crew and company, standing ovations. Just everything. Being home and all the people coming out of the woodwork from my childhood, both good and annoying [laughs]. So it was a great experience. I hope to do the play again. I just donít know when.

 

BD: I donít suppose it was videotaped.

 

KN: No.

 

BD: What a bummer. What about people like us who want to see it?

 

KN: Yeah, well, you never know, it might come to Houston.

 

BD: But with you, though.

 

KN: I would like that.

BD: That would be very nice. So what are you doing now, besides the kitchen and planning your momís 75th birthday party?

 

KN: [Laughs] I am on a show called King of the Hill. Itís a Fox show, sort of like The Simpsons.

 

BD: Yes, I keep forgetting thatís you, which is good, I guess, that I donít...

 

KN: That you donít know itís me?

 

BD: That I donít think of the person who is actually voicing it, which is a compliment.

 

KN: Oh, thank you. And it just got picked up for its ninth season.

BD: About how long does it take out of your week?

 

KN: Itís a day and a half a week. So itís great, because I can do my political stuff. Oh, I have another job ... well, you know, this is what I doóIím coming to Houston. This is my other jobóI speak around the country about things I care about, and then I have King of the Hill, and then I have a six-year-old, so King of the Hill allows me to do both my family stuff and my political stuff.

 

BD: And of course movies, too.

 

KN: I do. I try not to.

BD: What happens when you do a movie, do you...

 

I donít do so much anymore, but I usually just do it at a time when Samiaís out of school and she can come. But it really has to be something really different at this point of my life.

 

BD: How often do you do your speaking engagements?

 

KN: I would say I go out about six or seven times a year, so every other month I go. Sometimes it gets a little more than that. Like last year right around the end of the year, I was doing like September, October, November, Decemberóone a month, sometimes two a month. But I havenít done one in a while. I couldnít because I was in San Diego doing the play all summer. And so Houston will be the first one since Iíve been back.

 

BD: Good for us.

 

KN: I really like it. I feel most in my skin when I am speaking, much more than acting.

BD: Really?

 

KN: Yes, because every syllable I believe in. Like somebody elseís movie I might not be so excited about what Iím talking about. I feel the connection with the audience, because clearly theyíre all there because they are like-minded [laughs].

 

I recently did a thousand people in Chicago for choice, on the anniversary of Roe vs. Wade, and then I went to Fresno and I talked to 5,000 working women about working women, and now Iím going to Houston and talking about gay and lesbian rights. I do a lot of AIDS speaking, which I like. When Iím doing it, I donít feel like ... you know, sometimes you do a job and you feel like, OK, Iím just doing this for money, Iím doing this because thatís
who they think I am, or It was too hard to pass by this opportunity. But my speaking I literally do because I just feel honored to do it. And I feel like Oh, this is why I was born [laughs].

 

BD: That must be a really good feeling.

 

KN: Yeah, it really is, I really love it. I always sort of hate it the week before when I have to write the speech, and the traveling, and Iím just up there and the people are out there. I gotta tell you, people call you, Are you nervous tonight? Thereís a little bit of a buzz, but not really, because I really believe in every single word I say. And how often in life does that happen [laughs]?

 

BD: Isnít that the truth? Didnít you present an award to Ellen?

 

KN: Oh yeah, I gave her an award from the Gay and Lesbian Center and also from Womenís Night. I give an award to Ellen, she gives me an award ... thereís a little group of us, me and Ellen and Melissa Etheridgeóa very dear, dear, dear friendóand we have a joke, Who is it this month? [Both laugh]

 

BD: Your speeches are so beautiful, the few that Iíve read.

 

KN: Oh, on my website?

BD: Yes.

 

KN: Oh great, thank you so much.

 

BD: And very well thought out. I understand what youíre saying when you say itís you speaking, because I could really feel it. I like your great sense of humor. You just seem like such a kind person.

 

KN: Thank you. I try. There are those who would say nay [laughs]. But I try not so much to be nice, because I find that to be an empty fake thing. But I try to be just. Good and just are my talents and what I really try to be, because I feel thatís a much more fulfilling payback. Good is a talent, isnít it?

 

BD: Yes, definitely. Can we talk just a second about the fact that youíre married but not straight?

 

KN: I believeóand as naÔve and sort-of 1972 as it is [laughs]óI believe that everybody is born with the capacity to love anybody. Now whichever life events take us in different ways, thatís how our preferences are born. I think our preferences are shaped by good events and bad eventsóbad things that happen to us and good things that happen to us. Also the climate of society at the particular time when we grow up, because your growing up would be different than say a man who grew up in the í40s, with the same desires or preferences. I think all of those thingsóplus biologyócome into play. But I think ultimately, organically, we all have the ability to love anybody.

 

Now I respect preferences. Like I believe it when somebody says to me, ìI only want to kiss men ever, ever, ever.î ìIím only ever attracted to blond-haired women ever, ever, ever.î Iím not questioning that. All Iím saying is that I feel that there is the ability to love. And I feel like that is true in my life. It just so happens that my soulmate and my partner was a man. And has a penis. But I donít know that that means anything other than that.

 

BD: Iíve always just said, ìWell, everybodyís really kind of bisexual.î But the way you word it is so much better.

 

KN: Well, Iíve said ìbisexual,î too, but the problem when you say ìbisexualî is that people envision you out in a different gay bar and straight bar every other night [both laugh]. They donít get that you can meet one person and be monogamous to them your whole life. I donít struggle every day with an attraction towards women. I also donít struggle every day with the attraction towards men, because Iím with the person that I was meant to be with. So I may think some woman is beautiful or some man is beautiful, but my bisexuality doesnít play itself out in a way that needs to be acted upon or that is something that needs to be held back.

 

BD: I think I love you.

 

KN: [Laughs] But thatís just me. You know what I mean? If you want to say Iím bisexual, Iím so comfortable with that. Iíve said it in newspapers before, but I also want to qualify it and say I honor everyoneís differences, so someone elseís bisexuality may be completely different, but mine doesnít mean that there is any struggle involved in it or questioning in it. It is just the way it played itself out, and it certainly could have gone the other way. Itís just the way it is.

 

So when I talk about the gay communityóand I know it gets confusing for people, because I do speak a lot about gay and lesbian rightsóbut when I talk about the gay community and I say ìus,î which sometimes shakes people up ... like, Wait a minute! [both laugh]. But when I talk about ìus,î I feel like a part of the feminist community, I feel like I am part of the womanís community, I feel like a part of the gay and lesbian community. I feel like a person who is on the side for right and just.

 

Now I think who anybody sleeps with doesnít really matter. Iím also for civil liberties, and Iím not a black woman. You know what I mean? But Iím for racial equality and racial respect, but some people would consider me white. So to me it doesnít matter how you live your choices in your daily life, but rather how you spend your active time. And to me I spend my active political time fighting and trying to help in any little or big way I canófor respect, tolerance, love, and equality.

 

Donít most of us? Most of the people I know, if you say to them, ìWould you rather live in a world with respect and love and equality?î they would say yes. A lot of people just donít know how to be active.

BD: So how do we be active?

 

KN: Well, thatís a good question. I say it usually depends on the person who asks me. For example, Project Angel Food is an organization that not only provides nutrition and diet and medical counseling, but delivers food to HIV-positive people every day. Food and companionship. So I say thereís one place to start. For one hour a week, you can deliver lunches to people who are HIV positive. If you only do that, thatís fantastic.

 

I say to people who care about animals, you can stop eating meat or you can just stop wearing fur. Just to stop wearing fur is a little more than you did yesterday, and itís just enough. Or stop hunting.

 

I say if you are at all conscious, you donít want to make a gay joke thatís not funny and thatís going to offend somebody. Think before you speak about gay people as if you were one.

 

And then you can give thousands of dollars and you can speak. You can join the gay and lesbian center and work at any AIDS hospice in town. I mean there are so many things, but I think people get overwhelmed, and they think they need a lot of money or time or smarts. You really donít need any of it.

 

BD: Just one thing.

 

KN: Just that one thing. It changes your life. Start to recycle. Put a recycle bin in your house.

 

Hereís another thing thatís so interesting to meópeople feel like unless they are one hundred percent involved and committed, they arenít doing it right. ìWell, I didnít recycle all the paper. I just recycled the cans.î Well, guess what? You recycled the cans. ìI didnít stop eating chicken, but I stopped wearing leather shoes.î Well, guess what? The other things you do do not cancel out the helpful things you do.

 

Itís a psychological thing. People get wrapped up in ìIf I become an AIDS activist, itís 47 hours a week.î You could do one hour, and thatís helpful.

 

So, that would be my message: Donít be so hard on yourself. Do one little thing you can do and that is enough.

 

BD: Thank you. Before you go, can you tell me a little about your husband?

 

KN: My husbandís name is Dan Finnerty, and heís a big rock-and-roll star here in L.A. He has a group here called the Dan Band that performs at a 500-seat club every weekend. And he just started touring. He went to San Francisco and sold out and to Anaheim, and heís going to Vegas and New York. Heís really funny. Heís a great rock singer, but he only sings songs by women. Itís really cool, and heís got his own sitcom from it. Heís working on an HBO special. Yeah, mommaís gonna get to take a break.

 

BD: [Laughs] But first youíre coming to Houston.

 

KN: Yeah, and Iíll meet you in Houston.

 

BD: Thank you so much for your time.

KN: My pleasure, Blase.

 

Blase DiStefano, creative director of this magazine, interviewed Tammy Faye Messner for the September issue.

 

For Black Tie info: www.houstonblacktiedinner.org or call John Parker at 713/868-5994.

For more Kathy: www.kathynajimy.com.