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Out in the Arts

by D.L. Groover

GIVING A BATH TO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN IN THE WORLD

You’re 131⁄2 feet high, perfectly proportioned, godly muscled in the flush of young manhood, and gloriously naked. You’re also 500 years old and haven’t seen the sun since 1873. If you’re Michelangelo’s marble masterpiece of Renaissance sculpture, David, you’re ripe for a restorative cleaning. Since his bath is taking place in Italy, scandal and invective buzz around his full mane of curls like mosquitoes along the banks of the Arno.

Michelangelo fashioned his Renaissance man—intended to grace the parapets of Florence’s cathedral—from an unusually shallow block of marble that had previously been discarded by two sculptors as unworkable. When the immense naked man was unveiled in 1504, the church authorities balked at the up-close-and-personal nudity and hastily decided not to exhibit it, even way up on the roofline. After much bickering among Florence’s civic leaders, who included Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo’s great work was designated to adorn the city’s town hall in the Piazza della Signoria. Florence was flush in patriotic flag-waving, struggling to retain its independence among rapacious neighboring city-states. The 26-year-old Michelangelo’s statue was the ultimate symbol of city valor, strength, and coiled-spring anger. The nude giant embodied all the virtues Florence wanted to flaunt to the world.

Apparently, the Republic of Florence didn’t want to show everything, for the prudish Florentines pelted the sublime Il Gigante upon its unveiling on September 8, 1504. Lightning struck the pedestal in 1512, and David lost his left arm in 1527 during a riot when the Medicis returned to Florence—it was glued back on with stucco and metal pins. By 1545, gilded fig leaves covered David’s privates. For 31⁄2 centuries, he suffered the indignities of weather, pollution, and pigeons—not to mention a misguided hydrochloric acid wash in 1843, which stripped whatever remained of Michelangelo’s original protective wax coating as well as most of the natural marble coloring. Finally, David was brought out of the rain and given pride of place in his own classical rotunda inside the Galleria dell’Accademia. In 1991 a deranged artist smashed one of his stone toes with a hammer, while a century of interior grime and dust accumulated on his shoulders and inside his ears. It was time to wash his face and unclog his pores.

But then more chaos. Every art conservator in the world had an opinion, but no one agreed. Cleaning was good. Cleaning was bad. Cleaning would restore David’s glory. Cleaning would destroy David’s beauty. Dry brushes would be best. No, distilled water should be used to remove caked-on grime that a bristle can’t reach, commanded Opificio delle Pietre Dura, Italy’s governmental department for art restoration. Scheduled to begin September 2001, the cleansing was put on hold when the Accademia’s restorer, a specialist in the works of Michelangelo, resigned in protest over what she was asked to do to the statue. International critics piped in but they, too, couldn’t form a consensus on how best to handle the big lug.

After repeated delays, expert art restorer Cinzia Parnigoni was hired to lay gentle hands upon the body. First, the area to be cleaned will be dusted, then covered with a sheet of rice paper moistened with distilled water, and topped with what the restorers call a “mud pack” of cellulose pulp and clay. The water seeps through this mask and sucks up the dirt, which is then trapped in the clay. After 15 minutes, the paper facial is removed. Q-tips dipped in mineral spirits spot clean stubborn wax stains.

It seems simple enough, but the method is controversial. Critics decry the blanching that can occur, and many want the world’s most famous sculpture to be left alone. Meanwhile, the great artwork gets dirtier day by day.

“This is not a restoration. It’s just maintenance,” trumpeted Tuscany’s art superintendent Antonio Paolucci the day cleaning began. “David will be 500 years old in 2004. He needs to be more presentable for his birthday.”

He’s certainly got the suit for it. We hope David will survive the contemporary cleansing so he can again live up to Vasari’s 1550 description:

For in it may be seen most beautiful contours of legs, with attachments of limbs and slender outlines of flanks that are divine. Nor has there ever been seen a pose so easy, or any grace to equal that in this work, or feet, hands and head so well in accord, one member with another, in harmony, design, and excellence of artistry. And, of a truth, whoever has seen this work need not trouble to see any other work executed in sculpture, either in our own or in other times, by no matter what craftsman.

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Alley Theatre

Restaurant haute culture gets shish-kebabbed in Becky Mode’s hilarious satire. In a tour de force role, Jamison Stern is the power broker from hell as he mans the phone reservations for Manhattan’s hottest new eatery. He also plays about 39 other characters, from the harried maitre d’ to a whiny Naomi Campbell. Next time you’re at Tony’s or Café Annie, you may see the humor.

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A Tony Award-winning musical based upon James Joyce’s most famous short story. During a family holiday party in Edwardian Dublin, husband Gabriel watches the life drain out of his life, his marriage, his very soul.

Rhinoceros

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Infernal Bridegroom Productions

In this 1959 black comedy from master playwright Eugene Ionesco, everyman Berenger wakes to find a rhinoceros rampaging through town. To his horror, everyone around him turns into one, too. Ionesco’s rant against conformity has been banned as dangerously anti-Fascist, anti-Communist, anti-Peronist, or anti-bourgeois, depending on one’s point of view. Everyone in power seems scared of his message.

D.L. Groover writes monthly on the arts for OutSmart.


If you have any comments about this article, please email them to letters@outsmartmagazine.com.