Instructions for a Vermont Nuptia

At Empower, we met a happy Houston couple who had just been officially joined in civil union on Sept.25 in Vermont-Cheryl Brown and Tammy Arlington.

"In our vows I wanted to hear, 'In the presence of God, and by the state of Vermont,'" Tammy said. "Churches and states have been our blockades and it is great to see them slowly being removed for gay people.

"For Cheryl and I, our marriage ceremony symbolized our vows to each other to remain a permanent union-recognizing how difficult it is to achieve a lifetime commitment, it is what we want for ourselves. Our printed license from the state, to hang on the wall is a reminder. We were not concerned about joint properties as we have that on paper anyway. We did it for our commitment to each other...and it was very romantic."

Cheryl said it was also odd, because there were so many small details about the ceremony that she'd never thought about. "These are things that straight people think about," she said, "that I've never thought about in my life. What songs, service, music? Do we have a party?"

We were curious how one exactly goes about obtaining a Vermont civil union, so we asked them to share their experience.

First, they told us, you need to decide who you want to marry you-it can either be a minister or a justice of the peace. There are several websites set up to help one find a minister and go through the steps (see references below, or do a web search for "civil unions Vermont"). Cheryl and Tammy used the website of the gay magazine Out in Vermont to find two Unitarian ministers in Burlington who both perform civil unions (Rev. Gary Kowalski, 802/862-5630, uuoffice@together.neta href="mailto:mcleary@zoo.uvm.edu">mcleary@zoo.uvm.edu).

Through e-mail communications, Tammy and Cheryl decided to ask Rev. Cleary, who Tammy described as a 75-year-old Robert Fulgham (author of Everything I Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten), and who has already performed about 10 or 12 civil unions since the new legislation was passed. He already knew something about going against the institution in the name of love, as he had once been a priest and his wife a nun, and they had broken their vows to get married. Rev. Cleary arranged for the church, which was the chapel at the University of Vermont.

Next, the couple flew to Vermont and went to the town clerk to fill out an application to get their blank license. You'll need your birth certificate for this, although there is no blood test. Rumors are about that some town clerks are giving gay couples a hard time, but Tammy and Cheryl had no trouble, and they said the whole process was easy and quick. If you wish, you can contact the town clerk and get her or him to send the certificate in advance, but you must be careful to get it from the clerk in the town where you actually plan to have your civil union performed. The person who performs your civil union ceremony will sign it and mail it in within 90 days. The clerk will then mail you your official civil union certificate in about two weeks.

Certificate in hand, Tammy and Cheryl met with Rev. Cleary, who gave them some couple counseling...and then they were ready for their ceremony. He cried afterward.

Not counting travel expenses (and their honeymoon in Massachusetts), the total cost was $107: $27 for the license, $30 to the minister, and $50 for the church.

"It does feel different after you're done," Cheryl said.

Some helpful websites:

• Partners Task Force for Gay and Lesbian Couples: e-mail demian@buddybuddy.com; website www.buddybuddy.com.

• "Getting Married in Vermont": www.central-vt.com/region/weddings/wedlaw.htm.

• "The Vermont Guide to Civil Unions": www.sec.state.vt.us/pubs/civilunions.htm.

• "Civil Union Handbook": www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Heights/3936/Civil Union.html.