Merit Badges for Dykes
by D.L. Murphy

Editor's Note: Now that the Boy Scouts have presented us with a living picture of a homophobic Scouts organization, we started thinking about what an inclusive Scouts might look like.

For you few GLBT folks out there who aren't former Scouts, the Scouting program is largely built around earning merit badges for activities as diverse as from cooking to community organizing; in addition, each merit badge has several levels of difficulty. Every area of accomplishment and personal growth seems to be covered-except one. So D.L. Murphy decided there needed to be a special adjunct guide with merit badges for dykes. Lesbian Scouts can work their way up through the levels of accomplishment, eventually working to earn the highest rank, the High Femme or Diesel Dyke Awards, the equivalent of the Eagle Scout or Gold Award.

Still a work in progress, this is eventually planned as a book (although the San Jacinto Girl Scouts have not yet reviewed it for possible adoption). We humbly submit for your consideration the first installment, the "Coming Out" merit badge.

Maiden Level
To earn the Maiden Level Coming Out badge, the candidate must complete four of the following activities:
1. Be sure in her own heart she is Lesbian. This requirement is considered complete once the Mentor is convinced of the assertion. The Mentor is discouraged from sleeping with the Maiden to prove the assertion.
2. Come out to another member of the Queer community. Hedging of any sort, as in "maybe I'm really just bisexual," is not allowed.
3. Present the Mentor with a list of three community resources available to the newly out. This list cannot include bars.
4. Prepare three smart-ass answers for when someone calls you a dyke.
5. Memorize the following mantra: Just because I go out with her doesn't mean I have to kiss her. Just because I kiss her doesn't mean I have to sleep with her. Just because I sleep with her doesn't mean I have to marry her.
6. Prepare a convincing argument, pro or con, to the following assertions: "All lesbians hate men" and "Lesbians are made and not born."

Mother Level
To earn the Mother Level Coming Out badge, the candidate must possess the Maiden Level Badge and complete six of the following activities, including the two starred ones.
1. Have sex with another woman. Your Mentor will help you decide if what occurred between the two of you actually constituted sex.*
2. Tell a heterosexual person you are lesbian. This must be a heterosexual person you actually know prior to coming out to them, not the support group leader at the PFLAG meeting.
3. Demonstrate the ability to discern between femme, butch, femmy butch, and butchy femme.
4. Participate in one of the following sports, either as a participant or as a rabid fan: softball, rugby, flag football.
5. Know the name of and the location of at least one gay bar. Actually visit the bar. You must be sober when you enter the bar. You must stay in the bar at least an hour in order to complete this requirement. And no hiding in the bathroom!*
6. Have a favorite WNBA team. Demonstrate your knowledge of the team by discussing the relative merits of the starting lineup versus the starting lineup of the current WNBA championship team.
7. Be familiar with the love lives of Melissa Etheridge, Ellen DeGeneres, and Madonna. 8. Attend a women's music festival.
9. Watch the movies Personal Best, Desert Hearts, Better Than Chocolate. Explain to the Mentor why you "loved her, hated her" in each film.
10. Buy a copy of The Well of Loneliness. Reading the book is optional.

Crone Level
To earn the Crone Level Badge, the candidate must possess both the Maiden Level and Mother Level Coming Out badges and must also complete four of the following activities.
1. Come out to your parents. You may be exempted from coming out to your father if your mother provides a signed affidavit stating, "don't tell your father, it will kill him."
2. March in, or ride on a float in, your community's Gay Pride Parade. Wearing a mask is not allowed. Funny hats are encouraged.
3. Put a rainbow flag sticker of some sort on your car or bicycle.
4. Come out to everyone you care about.
5. Go to the Michigan Women's Music Festival. Put an "I saw you naked at Michigan" bumper sticker on your car.
6. Put a picture of you and your life partner enjoying one another's company on your desk at work.