LeftOut/September

OUR GENERATIONS
by Paula Martinac

Ageism targeting the old or the young diminishes the entire community

In one of her stand-up routines, lesbian comedian Kate Clinton used to joke about getting closer to the age when she would no longer be marching in the gay pride parade but riding on the bus reserved for gay seniors. The closer I get to riding that bus myself, the more I am philosophical about age and interested in the topic of ageism among lesbians and gay men. We generally think of ageism as a sin that younger people commit against an older generation, by excluding seniors from decision-making roles or discounting the opinions of people over 60. But, in fact, ageism operates across a wide spectrum.

I'll admit, for example, that I have occasionally been guilty of haughtily assuming that anyone under 25 has nothing to offer intellectually or that queer youth have it easier just because they're growing up in the age of "Will & Grace." At the same time, I have found myself trivialized by some lesbian and gay seniors who have made pronouncements like, "You're too young to know anything about this, of course, but in my day..." These attitudes stem from a lack of connection among the generations of lesbians and gay men and are, I think, profoundly self-defeating.

Granted, the country as a whole is segregated by age, so the lesbian and gay community is just mirroring the larger society. The fact is, people have different likes and dislikes at various stages of their lives, which makes intergenerational socializing and sharing a challenge. "When I go to gay bars," one gay man in his mid-60s admitted to me, "I feel more than a generation or two removed."

While it may be difficult to navigate intergenerational friendships, it would be emotionally and politically beneficial for us to make the effort. Nancy Spannbauer, co-founder with her life partner, Ellen Ensig-Brodsky, of a New York-based senior support group called Pride Senior Network, worked in nursing homes for more than 20 years before retiring. "The people who are the happiest and are most enjoying their later years," she noted, "are the ones who have friends who are younger as well as friends their own age."

In addition, the lesbian and gay movement has much to gain politically when different generations are in dialogue with one another and not off in their own age-specific groups. Each generation-the pre-Stonewall folks, the baby boomers, and the under-30 crowd-has something unique to offer the rest of the community.

Lesbian and gay seniors can be role models to younger generations, especially in the area of relationships. Many same-sex couples have been together 10, 20, or 30 years, either in monogamous relationships or in open, mutually agreeable ones. But these older, long-term couples often aren't visible in the community, and the stereotype of lesbian and gay seniors as alone and lonely persists. "Younger lesbians and gay men think we fade away after 35," Ensig-Brodsky told me.

It isn't only senior lesbians and gay men, though, who have something to offer from their life experiences. Assuming that mentors and role models have to be of a certain age is itself a form of ageism. Ensig-Brodsky has suggested that queer youth be sought out to teach seniors concrete technical skills.

Also, queer teens are often on the cutting edge of lesbian and gay organizing and can teach the rest of us about the challenges of coming out in hostile environments, such as some families and schools. I'm always moved by the stories of gay teenagers who take their same-sex partners to their high school proms-not just in San Francisco, but also in less traditionally queer-friendly places like Indiana. They are mapping out new territory that people my age and older could only dream about when we were teens.

And what about my generation? We taught ourselves community organizing and fundraising and built national and local lesbian and gay organizations into a powerful movement with political clout. As we get further into middle age, we can turn our attention to defying ageism by creating ways to share what we know and learn from the experiences of other generations.

Paula Martinac is the Lambda Literary Award-winning author of seven books and editor-in-chief of QSyndicate.