OutSmart Club Crawl, Part Two
OutSmart continues its profile of Houston’s diverse club scene and discovers that if you’ve got a thirst, this is one town that can quench it–no matter what your taste is
by Steven Foster

Stellar Lounging

Think of Meteor as a 21st-century gin joint. It’s Rick’s (the one in Casablanca, not the strip bar out on Richmond) meets the Jetsons. Cool colors, circular banquettes, non-stop videos, and seriously strong cocktails make Meteor one of the places to hit, no matter what night of the week. Maybe those maps on the ads worked. Maybe folks were just tired of the Abercrombie-Fitch scene. Whatever the case, the crowds pack into Meteor with practically cosmic certainty. And that crowd is one of the more diverse in town. Shy on the twink factor, but still oh-so-pretty, the mainly thirtysomething throng can be a little cruisy, heavy on the A-listers, but there’s surprisingly little attitude. Which means Meteor is more than just a passing comet. This rock is gonna be in orbit a long time.

I Wanna Be a Cowboy

The Brazos River Bottom is an institution. Recently cleaned up, revamped, with its boards buffed to a boot-scootin’ sheen, the BRB owns the championship belt buckle for the cowboy crowd. Sure, the western shirts usually have so much starch you better be careful dancing too close or you’ll get sliced, and maybe there are just too many tight Wranglers running about, but if you ever want to see the mindbending culture shock of a posse of goodlookin’ cowboys two-stepping together, the BRB is immeasurable entertainment. Saturday nights are packed with guys that look like they just stepped out of a Colt fashion shoot, outfitted by a C&W GQ. And, boy howdy, can these boys dance! As refreshingly cool as a slow pull on a longneck and as comfortable as a broken-in pair of Tony Lamas, this kicker bar deserves its place in the pantheon of cowpoke palaces.

Yours for the Taking

With its Southern deca-dance motif, the new Level is one of the most charming additions to the Houston club scene in this recent glut of newcomers. Shockingly, it’s also one of the most neglected. The music mix at the downstairs bar is, hands-down, one of the best in town. The service is unequalled. Whether Level is simply lost in Rich’s shadow or no one can find the Continental Club’s newest neighbor (maybe follow Meteor’s example and toss some maps in the ads?), Level is a missed opportunity for some gang of gays or lesbians. The cool thing about a slow club is that it is, to be quite honest, ownable. Take your pack of buddies, as many as 30 or 50, and the club is yours. You’ll never have to wait for a drink, you’ll always have the dancers’ undivided attention, and you’ll never get your seat stolen. Get tired of hanging around the mysterious lower level? Zip up one of the two grand staircases and commandeer Charlie’s, a kind of retro lounge for the hip and famous. Crystal Waters gave Level a grand opening; now it’s up to the locals to decide which group is gonna own the bar. And in the diversity of Houston’s gay community, and the lagniappe nature of the bar scene, it’s not really a question of when will Level be taken over by a smart, enterprising group of hipsters. The question is which one?

Yesterday Is Today

The Briar Patch is so unassuming, you’d never know it was there. Smack dab in tony West U (yes, West U has a gay bar!), the Briar Patch is like stepping backward in time. The crowd has that kind of meet-in-secret demographic–virtually everyone there knows every show tune ever to show up on your queer SAT, and, more amazingly, everybody has the pipes to pull it off. It’s like a barbershop quartette quadrupled and juiced up with scotch and sodas. Decidedly, defiantly older, but rich in its own mystical, musical charm, this piano bar mainstay feels like Armistead Maupin’s gonna walk in any minute with Bob Mackie on his arm. It’s gawdy, gay, and very, very lively. A charming stop before going out or on the way home. But check out the Briar Patch soon, for rumor has it that this standby of 32 years is going to be moving uptown in the fall or winter!