AUGUST

Weekly (Mon.–Sun.)

HIV Testing. The Montrose Clinic now offers free confidential HIV testing every day of the week at the following locations. Monday: Keys West (817 W. Dallas), 8 pm–midnight. Tuesday: The Club Houston (2205 Fannin), 8 pm–midnight. Wednesday: Mary's (1022 Westhei-mer), 4–8 pm; the Houston Lesbian & Gay Community Center (803 Haw-thorne), 6–9 pm; Ripcord (715 Fairview), 9 pm–midnight; EJ’s (2517 Ralph), 10 pm–1 am; and Midtowne Spa (3100 Fannin), 10 pm–1 am. Thursday: The Outpost (1419 Richmond), 4 pm–8 pm; Brazos River Bottom (2400 Brazos), 8 pm–midnight; Cousins (817 Fairview), 8 pm–midnight; and Toyz Disco (5322 Glenmont), 10 pm–1 am. Friday: The Meatrack (2915 San Jacinto), 10 pm–2 am; EJ’s (2517 Ralph), 10 pm–1am; and Midtowne Spa (3100 Fannin), 10 pm–1 am. Saturday: Viviana’s (5219 Washington), 11 pm–2 am. Sunday: Club Inergy (5750 Chimney Rock), 9 pm–midnight. The clinic also offers classes for those newly diagnosed with HIV or hepatitis C. For more info: 713/830-3000.

6 & 24 (Tue. & Sat.) 13 (Tue.)

\Feng Shui. Learn this ancient art to enhance prosperity & balance in your home or office. Tues. (6th) at 7:30 pm and Sat. (24th) at 2 pm. • Elimiate Your Allergies, completely & naturally, with Dr. Ted Barnett. Tues. (13th) at 7:30 pm. • All at CenterPoint, 1920 Hollister. Info: www.centerpointhouston.com or 713/932-7224.

8 & 22 (Thu.)

Family to Family Adoptions, a nonprofit licensed agency, is offering a free adoption seminar discussing how to adopt a child in less than one year. They currently have programs in the U.S., China, Guatemala, Russia, Vietnam, & other countries. They work with single men, single women, & couples 25 to 65 years of age. A free informational is included. • On the 8th: 6:30–8:30 pm @ Methodist Hospital, 16655 Southwest Freeway, Sugar Land, TX. • On the 22nd: 6:30–8:30 pm @ Bellaire Hospital, 5314 Dashwood, Bellaire, TX. • For more info: 281/342-4042; e-mail info@fam2fam.org or fam2fam@ aol.com; website www.fam2fam.org.

10 (Sat.)

Melissa Etheridge. The openly gay rock star performs at 7:30 pm @ Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion. Tickets ($41 & $81) are available at all Ticketmaster outlets or can be charged at 713/629-3700. For more info: 281/363-3300.

10 (Sat.)

Autoimmune Diseases Explained by Patricia Salvato, MD. AssistHers volunteers and friends are invited to attend this one-hour free presentation at 11 am @ Bering Memorial United Methodist Church, 1440 Harold at Mulberry. Info: AssistHers at 713/521-4628.

11, 18, & 25 (Sun.)

Zion Lutheran Church. On the 11th: Circus Sabbath features Pastor Rick Hartmann as Ricardo the Clown. Hartmann has led this style of worship for 20 years. It's fun & solidly Lutheran. (The clown—Jesus—is the One who cries so that others may laugh.) A circus-style lunch will follow. • On the 18th: A Back-to-School Sabbath features Dr. Annette Citzler, professor of economics at Texas Lutheran University, who will talk about the importance of learning & faith. Citzler is a member of St. Paul Lutheran Church in La Grange, and received her doctorate in agricultural economics from Texas A&M University. Educators & students from local schools will be special guests at the worship service & meal following. • On the 25th: The Rev. Daryl Koenig from Texas Lutheran University will preach at the service led by Zion's youth. Koenig has served as a parish pastor and as director for the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America's national youth gatherings. • Zion Lutheran Church, 3606 Beauchamp at Pecore in the Heights. Sunday worship services: 10:45 am. Growing disciples (adult and youth education) for all ages is at 9:30 am, preceded by time for fellowship and continental breafkast at 9 am. Info: 713/869-1493 or www.zionlutheranhouston.org.

16 & 17 (Fri. & Sat.)

Irma Vep. Hong Kong action diva Maggie Cheung is a latex-suited reincarnation of Irma Vep (anagram for vampire), the super-heroine of Louis Feuillade’s (1873–1925) silent serial Les vampires. In this funny satire, Jean-Pierre Léaud plays a film director in decline who is inspired to cast Cheung after seeing her in The Heroic Trio; as might be expected, the crew members bicker, the director despairs of realizing his vision, and the endearing Cheung is left adrift with only the friendship of a persecuted lesbian on which to lean. 7 pm @ Museum of Fine Arts (Brown Auditorium), 1001 Bissonnet. Tickets $7 ($3.50 members/seniors/students). For more info: 713/639-7515 or www.mfah.org.

19–25 (Mon.–Sun.)

GLBTQ Summer Camp. A rainbow flag will fly over one corner of Kezar Falls, a quiet village 45 minutes outside Portland, Maine, beginning Aug. 19. That’s the day 200-plus gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender men & women converge on Kezar Falls for a queer twist on summer camp (this is the 6th year). Campers come from 24 states & 12 countries. Opportunities abound at “Camp” Camp: ropes adventure course, waterfront activities, pottery making, theater games, journal writing, yoga, stargazing, & cooking classes. Evening activities have included an all-camp square dance & the popular talent/no talent show. The $898 camp tuition covers lodging, meals, & all activities. Facilities include a theater; sound studio; tennis, basketball, & volleyball courts; hot tub; and arts & crafts studios. Cabins, which accommodate eight to 25 campers, have electricity & running water. Info: 888-924-8380 (toll free) or www.campcamp.com.

20 (Tue.)

Fannie Flagg, author of Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe, will read from her new book, Standing in the Rainbow, at 7 pm @ Brazos Bookstore, 2421 Bissonnet, 713/523-0701.

21 (Wed.)

Cher slinks into Houston on her 50-cities farewell tour across the U.S. “The road is tough,” says Chastity Bono’s mother, “but the audience makes it all worthwhile.” FYI: Cher’s single “Believe” was a number-one hit in over 25 countries and holds the record as the biggest-selling single by a female in UK history. Cher’s special guest for the evening’s performance at the Compaq Center is Cyndi Lauper (who, by the way, has a lesbian sister). Tickets ($39.75–$79.75) are available at all Ticketmaster locations, by phone at 713/629-3700, or online at www.cc.com.

24 (Sat.)

Texas Tap Ensemble performs at 11 am @ Miller Outdoor Theatre in Hermann Park. For more info: 713/686-9184.

25 (Sun.)

Sunday Twist @ Mo Mong celebrates the five senses. Mo Mong’s urban loft space will be transformed into a euphoric wonderland complete with auctioned artwork by local emerging artists donated to benefit Art League Houston, music by Chris Sill, food & spirits from the pacific rim, on-site masseuse, and the faint scent of botanicals & spiced tobacco perfuming the air. 7 pm–midnight @ Mo Mong Restaurant, 1201 Westheimer, 713/524-5664.

PLANNING AHEAD FOR SEPTEMBER & BEYOND

September 1 (Sun.)

Pink Lobster Beach Party. The Greater Houston Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender Chamber of Commerce is hosting a beach party at Galveston’s East Beach, which has been the gay beach for many years. The chamber is going to have a cookout unlike all others to help celebrate the end of summer and Last Splash. From 11 am till ??? Mark your calendar.

September 12–14 (Thu.–Sat.)

A Little Night Music is presented by Bayou City Concert Musicals, the folks who brought Houston audiences Follies in 2000 and Falsettos in 2001, and benefits The Center for AIDS: Hope and Remembrance Project. A Little Night Music is a witty, warm, & romantic tale of mismatched lovers in turn-of-the-century Sweden. Often called Stephen Sondheim’s “waltz musical,” A Little Night Music features his best-known song, the bittersweet “Send in the Clowns.” Alley actor Paul Hope (who codirects) has assembled a cast of Houston’s finest performers—both veteran actors & rising talent—for this production. 7:30 pm @ Ovations, 2536-B Times Blvd. Reservations are required. Tickets are $25 and may be purchased by check or any major credit card (additional $1.50 handling fee for credit card processing) by calling Kayleen Clements at 713/880-1935.

October 17–21 (Thu.–Mon.)

Texas Lesbian Conference (TLC) honors its 15th anniversary with its first-ever conference at sea. Attendees will board the Carnival ship “Celebration” in Galveston & cruise to Cozumel, Mexico, for 4 days of fun, entertainment, & conference activities. The conference theme, “What Lesbians Really Want,” will examine the changing needs of lesbians in Texas and how TLC can continue to serve its community. Speakers & workshops will be offered on-board ship. Michele Balan, known as “da Comic Princess,” will entertain. All-inclusive tickets (cruise & meals on board, entertainment, port taxes, & conference fees) begin at $439 per person (double occupancy). Reservations: Stan the Cruise Man, toll free, at 1-866-200-2086 or e-mail Stan@ CruisingWithPride.com. For more info on the conference: www.texaslesbianconference.org.

October 17–21 (Thu.–Mon.)

Bisexual/Men’s Awareness Institute Con-ference.This three-day weekend in San Diego’s Mission Valley is hosted by the American Institute of Bisexuality (AIB), an organization founded 10 years ago to educate the public about the subject of bisexuality. The AIB created this conference in 2000 expressly to allow bisexual and bi curious men to gather in a safe, supportive environment to dialogue on their issues of concern, including their feelings of invisibility & the societal pressures to remain closeted. This 3rd annual conference will offer approximately 12 workshops (covering themes including coming out, relationships, culture, spirituality, identity, health, & more) & numerous social events. There will be a Friday night no-host welcome reception, a Saturday evening banquet with live entertainment, as well as time to explore San Diego. Registration fees: $40–$120 depending upon the activities selected & whether registration has been completed by the Sept. 27 early-bird deadline. Southwest Airlines is offering a special discount for conference attendees. More info: www.bisexual.org/pages/newconf/sdsandiego/. Workshop info: Alexei Guren at 206/709-8676 or Alexei_Guren@msn.com. Inquiries about AIB: Dr. Fritz Klein at 619/542-0088 or FritzKlein@aol.com.

October 24–26 (Thu.–Sat.)

LGBT Medical Conference. Gay and Lesbian Medical Association (GLMA) is holding its 20th annual conference in Toronto. The conference is designed for physicians & other healthcare professionals and provides both Continuing Medical Education (CME) credits and Continuing Education Units (CEU) to attendees through dozens of workshops & seminars that relate to LGBT health. The 3-day program will focus on primary care & biopsychosocial issues, as well as policy & advocacy. The conference will take place at the Fairmont’s Royal York Hotel in Toronto, Canada. More info & early-bird registration discounts are available at the GLMA website: www.glma.org.

November 2–9 (Sat.–Sat.)

Gay Games VI “Under New Skies.” INTA-Aussie South Pacific, one of Australia’s leading tour operators, has selected Concierge Travel as a preferred supplier to the games. Currently, Concierge Travel has participants registered to compete in ballroom dancing, marathon, & body building. For more info: Kim Gustavsson, Concierge Travel, 713/661-2117.

2002 Sydney Gay Games. The Houston Montrose Athletic Association with Mark Hoyer of American Express Travel will be the resource contact for the Houston contingent that will be going to the games. Hoyer has worked out a travel package that includes discounted hotel & flight rates. Visit the 2002 Sydney Gay Games website at www.sydney2002.org.au for more info about the events & registration. For reservations, call Mark at 713/365-6266 (reservation cost $210).

PERFORMING ARTS

• Come Up and Slay Me Sometime and Marriage Can Be Murder are presented by Mystery Café, home of Comedy Murder Mystery Dinner Theater. • In their new original production Come Up and Slay Me Sometime, the troupe runs roughshod over Texas history of the 1920s, as a national radio broadcast takes place at a floating speakeasy. In attendance: flappers, gangsters, historical figures, Mae West, & Abraham Lincoln. With a combination like that, somebody’s going to wind up dead. • Marriage Can Be Murder takes place at a disastrous wedding ceremony and can serve as either a warning to lovebirds or a soothing balm to those who have already posted banns, as they can say, “Well, at least our wedding wasn’t that bad!” • Come Up and Slay Me runs Saturday nights at 8 pm in repertory with Marriage Can Be Murder, which runs Friday nights at 8 pm. Both shows are presented at Marriott West Loop, 1750 West Loop South at San Felipe. Info: 713/944-2583 or www.mysterycafehouston.com.

• The Face on the Barroom Floor or Glimpsed Through the Sawdust is a comic “mellerdrammer” in three acts. Cheer the manly hero, console the downtrodden heroine, boo & hiss the dastardly villain as you pelt him with popcorn! Tickets $10 (students/seniors $9; matinees $8). Fri. & Sat. at 8:30 pm, Sun. at 3 pm, through Aug. 24 @ Theatre Suburbia, 1410 W. 43rd St., 713/682-3525, www.theatresuburbia.com.

• The Lion King. Now in its 4th sold-out year in New York, The Lion King is the winner of 25 major awards: 6 Tonys, 8 Drama Desk awards, 6 Outer Critics awards, a New York Drama Critics Award, a 1998 Theatre World Award, an Astaire Award, a Drama League Award, & a Grammy. In addition, Julie Taymor became the first woman in Broadway history to win the Tony Award for Best Director of a Musical. Elton John & Tim Rice’s original score has been expanded for the stage and now features 15 numbers, including 5 from the animated film. John & Rice have written 3 new songs. The Lion King is part of the 2001-02 Broadway in Houston series presented by the Society for the Performing Arts. Through Aug. 25 @ Jones Hall. Purchase tickets ($19.25–$76.25) at the Jones Hall box office, at Ticketmaster locations, at www.ticket master.com, or 713/629-3700.

• Romeo & Juliet: Love & Sex at Holy Cross High. Prior to his first off-Broadway engagement in December, Rob Nash graces Houston for five weekends with his latest one-man show. He was recently nominated for Best Actor in a Comedy by the Austin Critics Circle for this production. According to the Austin Chronicle, “Nash brings to life on stage, just by himself, an entire community of diverse people and draws the audience into a world as well fleshed-out as the nascent stages (at least) of Garrison Keillor’s Lake Woebegon. Nash simply changes his voice for each character he evokes: He changes his voice, his posture, his face’s posture, and, of course, the patterns of his speech. Again, again, and again. It’s like watching Sybil, for Christ’s sake.” 8 pm, Thursdays, Fridays, & Saturdays, through Aug. 17, @ Theatre New West, 1415 California (ground floor of Sonoma Restaurant bldg.). $20–$22. Reservations: 713/394-0464.

• The Story of Burford, Category 5! is about a force 5 hurricane that cuts a new ship channel through the Bayou City. Through Aug. 31 @ Radio Music Theatre, 2623 Colquitt. Desserts, munchies, champagnes, wines, beers, cappuccino, & soft drinks are available for purchase throughout the show. Admission $16, reservations required; tickets must be purchased in advance at the theater or by calling 713/522-7722.

• Tamalalia 7: The Love Show features Tamarie Cooper in her very own Harlequin romance. Do we have to tell you there’s a twist? Expect Freud, John Lennon, Tom Selleck, a bunch of Hare Krishnas, and a chorus line of Cooper’s ex-boyfriends. And don’t forget that cute little love god, Cupid. See Tamarie get crushy, then lucky; dumped, then hitched. Her singers sing about love. Her dancers dance about love. And that Infernal Bridegroom Productions house band plays nothing but love songs. Don’t get us wrong . . . this ain’t the kind of love you feel for your dear old mother or your trusty old dog—this is the kind of love that gets in your head, drives you crazy, makes you stupid, turns you upside down, inside out, and sends you round the world and back again. 8 pm, through Aug. 17, @ The Axiom, 2524 McKinney. $10–$15. Reservations: 713/522-8443.

• The Three-Cornered Hat is a lighthearted comedy of errors set in the Spanish countryside, circa 1805. A couple who are deeply in love live happily until the village sheriff becomes enamored of the wife and sets into motion an absurdly complicated ruse to steal her affection. Through Aug. 17 @ Main Street Theater at Chelsea Market, 4617 Montrose Blvd. Tickets are $20–$30. For more info: 713/524-6706 or www.mainstreettheater.com.

RADIO

• After Hours. Saturdays, midnight to 3 am. Featuring the QMZ (Queer Music Zone) with Jimmy Carper. KPFT 90.1 FM, 713/526-5738.

• Queer Voices. Mondays, 8-10 pm. Features, news, music, interviews, reviews, and commentary. KPFT 90.1 FM, 713/526-4000.

ART/PHOTOGRAPHY

• Old Master Drawings. Featuring a modest but critical selection of works on paper dating from the 16th to 18th centuries, this exhibition focuses on works by Parmigianino, Rembrandt, Giulio Romano, & Federico Zuccaro. Organized around themes, including mythology, religion, landscape, & anatomy, this exhibition offers fresh insight into The Menil Collection’s holdings, as it is the first time that the museum has displayed these works to the public. Through Sept. 8 @ The Menil Collection, 1515 Sul Ross, 713/524-5050.