The ABCs of GLBT Counseling

How does counseling GLBT individuals differ from counseling the straight population? Though some issues like prejudice and coming out are universal to all gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgenders, local counselor and author Colleen Logan notes that each group has unique stressors and problems.

Gay men
“Gay men grow up in a society that says whatever you do, don’t be who you are. And as they come out and start to deal with their feelings and differences and recognize feelings toward other boys or other men, they have to try and cope with learning how to accept themselves and love another man. So what happens is they come out younger, and they come out in the bar scene. What we find working with gay men is that intimacy between men is really hard. It’s hard to be vulnerable and ask for what I need and communicate and being in this relationship with you because what I was told is you can’t love another man. “[Gay] men and women tend to have very different relationships that aren’t traditional. They have lots of agreements about being sexually intimate outside the relationship. If you’re a counselor who has never dealt with gay people, and then a gay man comes in and says, ‘Well, this is how my relationship is,’ you’d be horrified. But that’s part of counseling. It’s helping the gay male couple work out those issues on how they negotiate their relationship, including, ‘Are we going to be monogamous or non-monogamous, and what’s that going to look like?’ Sometimes gay men have relationships that are threesomes, and they’re really creative about creating relationships. The challenge for counselors is how to negotiate what both or three or whomever is involved needs.”

Lesbians
“Women are different. They tend to come out in a relationship. It can be, ‘I have this great friend. Oh, my gosh. We’re kissing. Oh, my gosh. Wow! Look at this, I’m a lesbian.’ And you’re in a relationship, and you’re just coming out together, and there’s all kinds of chaos and catastrophe and crisis. And then it starts to be all about you. ‘It’s your fault. I can’t really be gay. This is awful.’ Lesbian relationships begin very intense, then end very intensely, and then we move on to another relationship.”

Bisexual
“I think one issue that people who are bisexual struggle with is just getting validation. And it’s not only in the counseling setting, of course. It’s in the world. In our society, we want everyone to fit in a box. So we want to say, ‘Oh, you’re in a relationship with a woman. Well, you’re not bisexual anymore. You’re a lesbian.’ But that’s really discounting who that person really is.”

Transgenders
“With the transgendered, the biggest challenge is coming to terms with being incongruent internally and externally—the pain, the hate, the shame that goes along with that—and the struggle trying to fit into any community. The transgendered clients I’ve been blessed to work with I’ve learned so much from about being hated, about being suicidal, about trying to fit into any community.”

All
“Counselors have to reach deep into their bag of skills and really listen. It’s a basic need. Because putting people in boxes either way, you’re going to miss who that person really is. If I want to quickly make a transgendered person gay, I’m going to miss a whole experience. If I want to quickly make a gay person transgendered, I’m going to miss a whole story by just jumping to conclusions.”