Out of Town

by Lawrence Ferber

GAY FOR MORE THAN A DAY

Orlando offers attractions apart from Gay Days at DisneyWorld

A city lies beyond the mouse ears.

Orlando, Florida, is recognized by most of the world as a cluster of theme parks, Disney magic, and pure Americana (i.e. chain restaurants, tacky souvenirs and Wal-Marts). And many gays pilgrimage to the area for the annual June Gays Days weekend at Walt Disney World, wherein tons of homos invade the theme park and its environs for fun in the Magic Kingdom and circuit partying.

But what about the rest of Orlando and neighboring Kissimmee? And what about going to Orlando at a time other than the first weekend in June?

Over the course of almost two years I’ve visited Orlando several times with my boyfriend. I found that it’s gay every darned day. Who do you think mans those Chip and Dale costumes?

Gay Days

This year, Gay Days hit June 3-June 7. The tradition has grown massively since its origin as a single “Gay Day in the Magic Kingdom,” for which queers wore telltale red shirts. The red shirts remain, but numerous events and the entire city have been added over a near weeklong stretch. Visit www.gaydays.com for details. Things begin with a kickoff party at the Orlando Museum of Art, peak with Saturday’s overtaking of Disney World’s Magic Kingdom, the Beach Ball party, and a Cyndi Lauper concert. Sunday is a big wrap-up of circuit parties.

Orlando, The City

Yes, Virginia, there is a city of Orlando. You wouldn’t know it by sticking to the magical theme park path (and the confusingly monikered “downtown Disney”). But hop into a rental car and discover a very real place that is home to nearly 2 million people. Main gay ‘hoods are the Vi-Mi district (the Gay and Lesbian Center is nestled here), Thornton Park, and downtown Orlando. You can look up more local details and an events calendar on www.gayorlando.com.

“I think Orlando’s a pretty welcoming place for any gay person,” opines resident Billy Manes, who writes the stingingly queer “The B-List” column for Orlando Weekly (www.orlandoweekly.com). He describes it as a place of “extremes.” “I guess it’s still part of the South so there’s that conservative resentment, the Abercrombie khakis thing. Then the retirement world and hotel industry people.” There’s also a large gay creative community (many of whom are employed by—big surprise!—theme parks and hotels). “So there are certainly people to talk to,” he quips.

Manes credits Orlando’s lack of pretension as a virtue. “I’ve lived in New Jersey and Boston and there’s a sense of having to hold up your guard [in those places],” he says. “The best thing to do here is slop around with the pigs. You can sit in your house and not worry about making engagements.” One gay to-do he recommends is Sunday brunch at Dexter’s for its $1.95 exotic fruit-flavored Mimosas and casual crowd. “I think we have a lot of quite beautiful places, and those things are like treasures.”

Describing himself as more of a Rufus Wainwright type of queer than White Party worshipper (“I weight 130 pounds”), of Gay Days Manes admits, “I’m repulsed by it. The bloated red t-shirt, Mickey Mouse ears, and the circuit parties, it’s so foreign to me. I remember walking [into the park] and everyone was doing drugs. It’s kind of sad, and I can’t pretend I was above it at that time. I was on K, so my judgment was bad, and the idea of kids being around as you indulge in adult destruction... Riding on It’s a Small World with one eye open and thinking it is a really small world!”

Still, Gay Days manages to bring positive queer visibility to the city and the tourists who stumble upon it. Orlando’s mayor even wrote a welcome letter for the event program last year.

Since Orlando is chock full of heterosexual nuclear families from all over the world, it’s no surprise that homophobia rears its head on occasion. On one visit, my boyfriend and I stayed in a budget hotel on International Drive, a tourist-geared stretch littered with hotels, restaurants, mammoth souvenir shops, and those omnipresent “discount tickets” stands (most of these offer reduced theme park entry in exchange for spending a miserable morning being schmoozed into buying inconveniently located vacation properties). Walking down International Drive hand in hand, we received our share of double takes and lollygags (especially from UK visitors)—enough so that I won’t stay there again if possible. At one point, a jeep pulled over, and the occupants called out (in what’s best described as a thick dumb accent) “Hey, you guys! Hey, pretties! Come over here! C’mon, pretties!” We kept walking, feigning obliviousness, as the jeep crept alongside. “Hey! WHAT THE HELL? GET OVER HERE! WHY AIN’T YOU GETTIN’ OVER HERE, FAGGOTS???” Rhetorical question? Finally, the bashmobile drove off, and we breathed a sigh of relief.

Our lone brush with overt homophobia on theme park grounds occurred at Epcot Center. The irony of homophobia within Disney’s confines—where almost every performer is gay, and popular attractions include “Ellen’s [as in DeGeneres] Energy Adventure”—is whipping cream heavy. Holding hands, we passed a 12-year-old Hispanic boy with frosted hair tips and a cherubic mother. Moments later, I detected a fracas.

“Sick!!! That’s sick!!!”

Hmm, what’s that? Wait a minute.

“You’re SICKKK!!!”

It was the kid—the one with frosted tips—screaming at us, about 50 feet behind.

“It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!!!”

Unfortunately, by this point we were too far away to compliment momma on her fine parenting skills, request a less clichéd aphorism, or point out to the kid, “You may not accept or like gays, but you need to respect them in public. And by the way, you have frosted hair. See you at Roxy in 2010!”

Housing Options

Disney? Universal? Downtown Orlando? Oh, where to stay! Depends on what you want and can afford. You’ll be under siege by screeching children and undesirable ignorant tourists at the lower-priced Disney properties (especially the All Star Resorts, which are more like collapsing, life-sucking stars). The Deluxe resorts of the Disney property, on the other hand, while also family friendly, boast aesthetic pleasures. The Polynesian leans to the kitschy side, but you can’t help but laugh at the luau show. Even the moderate Port Orleans has a charming Old South feel to it, though the Mardi Gras decor of the French Quarter lacks the sleazy bite of the real thing.

Hotels saturate every cranny of Orlando, so you won’t be lacking in options. The Grand Theme Hotels chain (www.grandthemehotels.com) is upscale yet fun. The artful Westin Grand Bohemian in downtown seemed a great choice for sleeping close to the clubs.

Last trip, we stayed in an Orlando Holiday Home Villa (theorlandoholidayhome.com, 800-340-2118), located approximately 20 minutes by car to Disney (twice that to downtown Orlando). The three-bedroom home’s interior was fine for either the fun-loving family, clutch of queens, or romantic couple, thanks to numerous candles and an oversized bathtub. The amenities included a VCR, cable TV, washer/dryer, phone, free local calls, and truly everything was great (and a Chinese food delivery food service left a convenient flyer outside!). Sadly, it was too chilly outside to use the screened-in pool and jacuzzi. Incidentally, gays may want to request a walled-in, shielded pool area, otherwise families in neighboring houses can glance over while you canoodle, etc. And vice versa.

Downtown Highlights

One must-visit in downtown Orlando is an Italian restaurant, La Fontanella Da Nino (900 E. Washington St., 407/425-5017). We enjoyed our favorite meal in the whole city there, and plan on visiting every time we’re in town. Charming owner/host Nino Carrera, who hails from Naples but moved to Orlando to be with his American naval officer wife, greets guests nightly (except Mondays, when the restaurant is closed). Gay locals, some couples, some singles, filled an outside courtyard and rear dining room. Nino told us how downtown only recently turned hip and happening. Four years ago, it was somewhat unsavory. Now, locals stroll about at night from restaurant to bar.

Club-wise, there are plenty downtown, including two mainstays. Parliament House (410 N. Orange Blossom Trail) and Southern Nights (375 S. Bumby Ave.). “Southern Nights is a little like a roller rink amusement room,” Manes muses with a laugh. “Everything here seems a little half baked.” Southern Nights houses several areas, including a mini-cabaret for performers, a dance floor, and much bar space. The crowd was definitely unpretentious, and quite mixed in gender and ages. Parliament House (www.parliamenthouse.com) is a whole darned gay resort offering rooms, a restaurant, and clubs/bars. Multi-floor superclub Firestone (578 N. Orange Ave.) throws a renowned Saturday gay night, The Club. The crowd’s distinctly circuity and ready to party! Leather men head directly to Full Moon Salon (500 N. Orange Blossom Trail).

Theme Parks

From mid-June through August, every family and their family hit the parks. You’ll be lucky to manage a handful of rides a day even with the “fast pass” thing going. Also avoid the parks on major holidays. Post Labor Day September through October are ideal—still warm out, yet quite empty (although hurricanes do sometimes hit in September). Even though the weather’s a touch chilly, but November through February are your best bet if enjoying a quantity of attractions is priority. In mid-January, we had no problem walking directly into even the most popular of rides. Regardless of weather, bring a poncho—the water rides can leave you drenched, especially this cruel piece of work entitled Kali River Rapids at Disney’s Animal Kingdom. Oh, and avoid Tarzan Rocks if you value your sanity.

The theme parks employ untold numbers of queers. At Southern Nights you could well cruise the Goofy you had a picture taken with that morning! Just think—Donald Duck could find you hot. We always see a good number of gay vacationers of all ages in the parks (bears, twinks, circuit boys, and more) all year around. And gosh, can they be cruisy.

I’m leaving breakdowns of Disney’s rides to the Queens in the Kingdom book, which you really should consult, but here’s a few non-Disney highlights: Universal Studios’ Jaws is a must, as is Terminator 3-D. At Universal’s Islands of Adventure you can pose with Captain America and other Marvel Comics characters. The Amazing Adventures of Spider Man ride is astounding. Make sure to avoid Poseidon’s Fury, though. It was cheesy, noisy, and cockamamie, like a Seigfried and Roy nightmare without the animals. Endless other attractions and parks in the area include Sea World; water park Wet N’ Wild; the bizarre miniaturized China of Splendid China (floridasplendidchina.com), which presumably avoids miniature SARS; a vintage train ride that takes you to small New England-esque town Mount Dora (www.mtdoratrain.com); shopping centers like Mall at Millenia (www.mallatmillenia.com); and miniature golf galore.

What is funny is that for all its artifice, Orlando can be more real than, say, Miami’s South Beach (which could be why many gays prefer neighboring Fort Lauderdale these days). How much of a mix you get is up to you. Pretty goofy, huh?

KEY TO THE KINGDOM

Jeffrey Epstein and Eddie Shapiro recently wrote a jovial tome, Queens in the Kingdom, which breezily—and gaily—lays out Disney’s attractions, lodging, and gay magnets. —LF

THEY TRY HARDER

When you make your vacation plans, note that Avis (www.avis.com/prouder) affords domestic partners free “additional driver” status, no questions asked. The rental-car corporation is also sponsoring a number of gay film festivals this summer. Thanks, Avis! —LF

If you have any comments about this article, please email them to letters@outsmartmagazine.com.