Pride Grand Marshal

Dalia Stokes
When it comes to political action, this is where the rubber meets the ROAD
by Pokey Anderson
Photo by Gabriel Tran Photography

Dalia Stokes, voted female grand marshal for the Pride Parade, has two great passions: politics and her family. They come together in grand fashion this June, as she and her partner, Bobbie Bayless, will be celebrating their 25th anniversary. Joining them in the grand marshal float will be three generations of Stokes’ family: her mother, her daughter, and her 18-month granddaughter. In a way, the spirit of her brother, Troy Stokes, will be riding with her, too.

"Bobbie believes my brother’s spirit inhabited my body after he died," Stokes says. "He was a courageous activist, so ahead of his time, and certainly ahead of me. Honestly, I didn’t even understand all he did," she admits.

"I love Annise Parker’s description that she’s not just out of the closet, she’s standing in the front yard," Stokes continues. "I have probably been in the closet with the door open for a lot of years." In the last few years, though, Stokes has been taking the hinges off the door with a crowbar. Or, maybe it’s her brother? After his death from AIDS in 1992, recalls Stokes, "there was a void. My older brother’s voice had been silenced. It was almost as if I didn’t have an option." Stokes got busy.

An attorney specializing in estate planning and probate, Dalia Stokes has had a law practice with her partner Bayless for 18 years. Stokes ran for judicial office in 1996 and 1998 with the Gay and Lesbian Political Caucus endorsement. In 1997, she got the River Oaks Area Democratic Women (ROADwomen) off the ground, serving as its founding president. Stokes also recently co-chaired the Human Rights Campaign dinner in Houston.

Stokes is not just a "see and be seen" activist. No way! She rolls up her sleeves and encourages everyone around her to do the same. It’s almost a mantra with her to "take the next step." On a recent Saturday morning before this interview, I ran into Stokes as we were both literally taking steps, blockwalking in the Heights for the Progressive Voters Alliance, the project that’s identifying progressive voters in Houston in preparation for a potential GLBT city referendum.

I asked Stokes how it feels to be elected grand marshal. "Well, I’m overwhelmed. And I was honored for Brandon Wolf just to ask to nominate me. I’m totally pleased." With the other nominee for female grand marshal being Janine Brunjes, the new GLBT liaison for Mayor Lee Brown, there was no way the community could lose this election.

After her race for appellate court, it struck Stokes that organized business and professional women were nowhere to be found on the local political scene. So, she sent a letter out to about 70 of her campaign supporters, noting that void. One person called. That one person was Muffie Moroney. And Moroney said, "You know, I think you’re right! And, I think we ought to do something about that!"

As Margaret Mead said, "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has." Sure enough, four years later, ROADwomen has between 300 and 400 members, and has already left its mark on local politics. Don’t be fooled by the "River Oaks" in the group’s moniker–neither Stokes nor Moroney live in River Oaks, and they meet at St. Stephen’s Episcopal Church in the Montrose. They just liked the acronym, and also liked the idea of flying in the face of stereotypes. (For more information on ROADwomen, check out their website at www.roadwomen.com, or write ROADwomen, P.O. Box 22678, Houston, TX 77227-2678.)

Stokes believes that ROADwomen’s biggest impact so far has been the focus on hate crimes legislation. After the legislative session in 1999, someone said, "Oh, I can’t believe that they didn’t pass that James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes bill!" And Stokes said, "I know. But what did we expect?!" But, someone else said, "Well, you know, we ought to do a program on that." Sure enough, Muffie Moroney got going, made some phone calls, and next thing you know, there was an awesome panel assembled. "We had Debra Danburg, and Diane Hardy-Garcia, and Senfronia Thompson, and Jim Rigby, and Louvon Harris. I didn’t expect to have that kind of enthusiasm." But the people who had worked so hard on the bill were feeling wonderful that somebody cared, there was a huge turnout, and the enthusiasm reverberated in the room.

"The message came through so loud and clear that it would’ve passed but for the sexual orientation language in there, and that the Byrd family had been basically really strong-armed to let that drop. And that they hadn’t. At the time, not a soul in that room knew that. I am telling you, everyone was stunned! It was just so amazing!"

ROADwomen later assembled a similar, awesome panel for their annual banquet, themed Celebrate Diversity. I was there among the 500 people at the Westin Oaks. It was a wonderful occasion, and I saw people I hadn’t seen in years. But, hearing the Byrd family just about made me want to cry. Having suffered an unfathomable loss, and enduring it in the glare of national headlines, they demonstrated such dignity. And steadfastness. And, under pressure by Governor Bush, they just said "no," and insisted on the inclusion of "sexual orientation" in the bill named for their murdered family member.

"Exactly!" says Stokes. "Mrs. Byrd has just been in her little town of Jasper, and she got it. She got it big time. If someone who’s been leading a sheltered life in Jasper, Texas, can get it, then everyone can get it.

"We had this opportunity to turn this terrible tragedy into something positive and worthwhile. And Governor Bush saw to it that that did not happen. So, I guess, of all the things ROADwomen has done, that’s one that took a life of its own, and ended up being the biggest statement."

Stokes is a third-generation Texan, and she is tireless in her devotion to the simple idea that everyone should get active in their government, and that the efforts and contributions of local progressives should actually benefit our political landscape here in Houston, and not be directed all out of town. She knows politics inside and out: the players, the issues, the strategies. Eventually, I was able to get her to talk about herself.

Some people figure out they’re lesbian, then look for a partner. In the case of Stokes and Bayless, they found each other, and they finally figured out they were not just really good friends. At the time, Stokes had been married, divorced, and had a little girl. "I had no idea. No idea!" She met Bayless at Rice. "We just both kind of fell in love with each other, but neither one of us identified it that we were really in love with each other as a lesbian couple. Then it just became an inescapable fact, after a couple of months. And it’s almost laughable that our relationship has been so great and so strong for 25 years, and we could’ve almost missed it, because we were so busy not realizing."

As for her marriage, "Nothing was particularly wrong with that marriage, except for the fact that I found out later I was really just not heterosexual. It’s just that simple; we were missing one key component!" Stokes is glad things happened the way they did, though, because her marriage resulted in "a great gift," her daughter Lelia.

Her daughter has made her own journey dealing with growing up in a two-mom household, but she and her baby are coming down from Minnesota to participate in the parade. "It’s been a wonderful family unit, and I just can’t say enough positive things about that part of our life." As for how Stokes and Bayless manage to also work together, Stokes says it helps that they don’t do the same kind of law. "It’s been a joy to work together. And recently somebody asked would I want to repeat the whatever years, and I said, well, I’d just really basically be glad to repeat anything with Bobbie, the good years and the bad years, good times and bad times. I mean, it’s just been really a great 25 years."

So, now you’ve met Stokes, and I hope you’ll give a big cheer when she and Bayless and family pass by in the parade! n

Pokey Anderson, a former candidate for public office and a former grand marshal, enjoyed welcoming Stokes out onto "the front lawn." Anderson is a long-time activist and an independent financial planner.

Dalia Stokes on Politics & More Politics

Dalia on ROADwomen: ROADwomen is a place where people can come to identify as Democrats for the first time, a place to learn about issues that they haven’t tuned into before. And it really was an idea whose time had come. People were starved for this. Part of the mission is to try to work locally to help elect Democrats or encourage Democrats on a local level. And person after person, mainly females, of course, said, "I’m a Democrat, and I work at blah-blah downtown. And if I want to talk politics, I have got to go into my office, close the door, and call somebody. I don’t dare have a conversation in the halls. But everybody else does! They’re just chatting it up!" I just got someone’s renewal today; it said, "I don’t get a chance to come to meetings often, but I can’t tell you how heartening it is to be a member of a group where I don’t feel like the Lone Ranger, so to speak."

Dalia on statewide politics: The sad truth is, Texas has gone Republican. It’s too big a state, media markets are so expensive. And, it’s just easier for the Democrats to come down and harvest money than it is to try to take this state back.

Dalia on identifying a viable progressive Democratic candidate for the next race for governor of Texas: I was a little concerned, when I read the articles in the Chronicle that said Tony Sanchez [current front-runner for the Democratic nomination] had given all this money to Bush and the Republican National Committee. But I thought, well, there’s going to be something that’s just really compelling about this person that I’m not seeing. Then the articles came out about the kind of bizarre gay-baiting investigation, smear campaign thing. And, I was very troubled by his failure to denounce it even if he supposedly was not involved in it. The first thing I wanted to hear was someone denounce it, and have a good strong healthy position on gay rights. Didn’t hear it!

Dalia on George Bush: I can’t watch the talking head [political analysis] TV programs. They start with a bogus premise that Bush is president. It’s sad.

Dalia on how we can turn our diversity and our conflicts to our advantage: Good question. Well, I always do best when I’m in an environment that is not particularly contentious. I’m not sure that I’m the best consensus builder in the world. But I try to spend my time and money on things where we can find common ground. And some people, I think, spend too much time fighting or being contentious when there’s really tons of common ground. And so, I just stay focused on that. • An example is the transgender issue, which I think has been an educational process. People have started to understand more what that means, and what equality for transgendered people means, and how important it is. I certainly have learned a lot. Education is another way of turning conflict into working for us. Education is critical.

Dalia, when asked if any animals would ride with her in the parade: No. None that I know of. But I wish that I could have my carriage drawn by donkeys, you know?