MAY 2003 CALENDAR

Daily (Mon.–Fri.)

HIV Testing. HCHD Thomas Street Clinic is offering HIV testing free to the public, 9 am–1 pm. There is no need to establish eligibility ("gold-card"), no donation will be asked of the person seeking testing, and the test is free. Thomas Street Clinic, 2015 Thomas, 713/873-4157 or 713/873-4026.

Daily (Mon.–Sat.)

HIV Testing. The Montrose Clinic offers free confidential HIV testing at these locations. Monday: Bricks, 617 Fairview, 4–8 pm; Keys West, 817 W. Dallas, 8 pm–midnite; Club Xcape, 2612 South Richey, 9 pm–midnite. Tuesday: The 611 Club, 611 Hyde Park, 4–8 pm; The Briar Patch, 2294 W. Holcombe, 8 pm–midnite; The Club Houston, 2205 Fannin, 8 pm–midnite. Wednesday: Mary's, 1022 Westheimer, 4–8 pm; Houston Lesbian & Gay Community Center, 803 Hawthorne, 6–9 pm; Ripcord, 715 Fairview, 9 pm–midnite; EJ’s, 2517 Ralph, 10 pm–1 am; Midtowne Spa, 3100 Fannin, 10 pm–1 am. Thursday: The Outpost, 1419 Richmond, 4–8 pm; Brazos River Bottom, 2400 Brazos, 8 pm–midnite; Cousins, 817 Fairview, 8 pm–midnite; Toyz Disco, 5322 Glenmont, 10 pm–1 am. Friday: Club Escandalo, 2053 Wirt, 8–10 pm; Viviana’s, 5219 Washington, 10 pm–midnite; Midtowne Spa, 3100 Fannin, 10 pm–1 am; Club Kalipso, 6806 Longpoint, midnite–2 am. Saturday: Club Inergy, 5750 Chimney Rock, 9 pm–midnite. The clinic offers classes for those newly diagnosed with HIV or Hepatitis C. For more info: 713/830-3000.

7 (Wed.)

A Little Day Music. Da Camera of Houston concludes its Lunchtime Performance Series with Swing! Swing! Swing! featuring the Richard Brown Swing Orchestra. Bring a lunch & enjoy the show. Noon in the Wortham Center’s Grand Foyer. Info: 713/524-7601, ext. 15, or www.dacamera.com.

7 & 8 (Wed. & Thurs.)

Stanya Kahn’s emotional and surreal The Ballad of Crappy and Seapole, According to Shempco portrays a high-strung and insomniac playwright trying to cope with life’s challenges. Kahn was a star & contributing writer of By Hook or by Crook (see page 21 of this issue). 8 pm @ DiverseWorks, 1117 East Freeway (off N. Main @ Naylor). $20 (members $15, students/seniors $10). 24-hour reservations: 713/335-3445.

8 (Thu.)

Open mic. The band FO hosts this open mic night. The host band is rock/pop, but all music styles are welcome, 9 pm–1 am @ Chances bar, 1100 West-heimer. More info: www.chancesbar.com (updated every week or so).

9 (Fri.)

Mother’s Day Laughs. Bring your mother and/or friends to Comedy-Sportz, a G-rated improvisational game which pits two comedy teams against each other, fueled only by audience input. The theme: Mother’s Day. 8 pm @ Lambert Hall, 1703 Heights Blvd at 17th. $10 (free for mothers).

9 & 10 (Fri. & Sat.)

Drive to Create. Watch creativity on the move at the 2003 Art Car Weekend. The Main Street Drag begins Friday, followed by the Art Car Symposium. On Saturday, join other onlookers at the all-day festival to see the 1 pm parade at Allen Parkway & Taft as more than 250 artists drive their creations down the street. Following is the Art Boat Parade down Buffalo Bayou. The Drag: Friday, 9:30 am, Main & Binz, Museum Dis- trict. Free. Symposium, 7–9 pm, Rice Media Center, Stockton @ University Blvd., $5. Complete list of events: 713/926-6368 or www.orangeshow.org.

11 & 31 (Sun. & Sat.)

Rainbow Fishing Club‘s deep-sea fishing trips take place aboard the New Buccaneer. Premium fishing spots may not be available at this time. For up-to-date info: 713/523-6381.

10 (Sat.)

A History Lesson. Enjoy a belated Cinco de Mayo performance of John and Juan, a two-person play about the history of Texas and Mexico, as well as the benefits of being different. The Alley Theatre is producing the performance. 11 am @ Miller Outdoor Theater, 100 Concert Dr., Hermann Park. Free. More info: 713/220-5700, ext. 423.

10 . . . (Sat. & Sun.)

Misty Valdez’s Sweet Sixteen Pre-Benefit Shows in Galveston. On the 10th (Sat.): Robert’s Lafitte, 2501 Ave Q @ 25th, 9 pm. On the 18th (Sun.): Blvd Saloon, 3102 Seawall, 8 pm. On the 24th (Sat.): Myra’s Cantina, 813 21st, with DJ Smoke’n Joe. On the 25th (Sun.): CC-by-the-Sea. On the 31st (Sat.): 3rd Coast Beach & Bar, 9th & Seawall, 10 pm. The Sweet Sixteen benefit extravaganza takes place on June 7 @ Garza’s Kon Tiki, 10 pm. All proceeds go to AIDS Coalition of Coastal Texas.

12 (Mon.)

TUTS honors Webber. Theatre Under the Stars will be honoring famed composer Andrew Lloyd Webber at its 2nd annual American Musical Theatre Awards. 9 pm @ Hobby Center, 800 Bagby at Walker. Tickets/more info: 713/558-8887, www.tuts.com.

16 (Fri.)

The Mercury Baroque Ensemble. What do you do when the little girl you raised to become your house servant becomes the woman intent on running your life instead? That’s what bachelor Uberto, performed by Paul Busselberg (bass) wants to know—and soon! What do you do when the man you love doesn’t know that he loves you…yet? That’s what the servant Serpina, performed by Ana Treviño-Godfrey (soprano) wants to know—and sooner! The butler Vespone knows, but he’s not talking. Join Mercury Baroque Ensemble for the charming comic opera La Serva Padrona (The Servant as Mistress) by Pergolesi at 8 pm @ St. Luke’s United Methodist Church, 3471 Westheimer. Then you’ll know what Vespone knows, too! Tickets ($20; $10 students/seniors) or more info: 713/498-4853 or www. MercuryBaroqueEnsemble.org. Tickets also available at Joel’s Classical Shop, 4010 Bissonnet.

17 (Sat.)

Progressive Dinner 2003 is the annual fundraiser from AssistHers and An Uncommon Legacy. All participants meet in the parking lot of Resurrection MCC (2025 West 11th St. @ TC Jester), where you board a bus which takes you to three different homes where hosts & hostesses within our community open their doors & serve culinary treats. The first home serves cocktails & hors d’oeuvres; the second, soup and salad; and the third, the main entrée. Then the buses converge at the same house for dessert & coffee. Tickets are $75. More info or to purchase tickets : AssistHers at 713-521-4628, option 1. This event has been a sellout for five years in a row, so make your reservations early.

17 (Sat.)

Dance of Passion. Several Dancers Core presents Dance to the Music, a free event showcasing a diverse, 6-piece collection performed by a variety of dancers. The emotions in the works run the gamut from frenetic shock to lackidaisical melancholy. Free. 8 pm @ Miller Outdoor Theater, 100 Concert Dr. in Hermann Park. 713/862-5530 or www.severaldancerscore.org.

17 (Sat.)

Dragon Boating. Watch dozens of men & women sweep down Buffalo Bayou in traditional Hong Kong-style dragon boats during the 3rd annual Houston Dragon Boat Festival. The sport combines tradition with modern-day teamwork, enthusiasm, & strategy. Free to view. 8:30 am–4 pm, Allen’s Landing (Commerce & Main). For festival info, to volunteer, or to register your team for the race (no experience is necessary): www.houstondragonboat.com.

18 & 27 (Sun. & Tue.)

May Events. On the 18th: Partner Yoga. Join other couples for an educational yoga workout by Natalie Maisel, designed to show how yoga can be effectively practiced with two people, and how these exercises can create another space for couples to bond. $45/couple. 1–3 pm. • On the 27th: Esoteric Tarot. Pat Rickart uses the esoteric tarot to help you understand your life & the direction you are headed. Donation. 7–9 pm. • Both @ Creative Life Spiritual Center, 5326 Spring-Stuebner Road, between I-45 & Kuykendahl. Info: 281/350-5157 or www.creativelife.org.

20–25 (Tues.–Sun.)

Greater Tuna. Enjoy the final shows of the 20th anniversary tour, featuring Joe Sears & Jaston Williams as 40 members of the town of Tuna, Texas, a place where the Lions Club is too liberal and Patsy Cline never dies. Galveston’s 1894 Opera House, 2020 Postoffice. Times vary. $11–$48. For more info: 800/821-1894 or www.thegrand.com.

23–26 (Fri.–Mon.)

PWA Holiday Charities Campout. This Memorial Weekend, have fun romping through the woods, seeing shows, and gathering for support & laughter at a special campout for HIV+ campers & their supporters. Get together with your friends, or meet new ones, and at the same time help out another person in need by sponsoring another camper. Sponsorship includes a campout invitation. $25. Cameron, Texas. Call Joel at 713/522-4546 or John at 713/529-6615 for more info.

24 (Sat.)

GoGirlsRock! GoGirlsMusic.com is proud to bring Hillary Arwen, Myrna Sanders, Beryl Grady, and Osirus to the Rhythm Room. GoGirlsRock!, hosted by Mandy Smith, is all about talented women, great music, and rockin’ the nation at every show. Emerging talent from all over the U.S. is showcased. GoGirlsMusic.com’s thriving online support network for indie women

artists has enabled them to bring you great live music events. Their shows feature rock, pop, folk, and

more! Doors open at 8 pm, show starts at 9 pm, admission is $5, @ the Rhythm Room,1815 Wash-ington. For more info: www.gogirlsrock.com. GoGirlsMusic.com, “cuz chicks rock!”

30 & 31 (Fri. & Sat.)

From Without and From Within is a unique combination of Houston’s music greats. Composer Pauline Oliveros, percussionist Susie Ibarra, & trombone maestro Dave Dove meld their talents, passion, & instruments into a performance that will elevate the soul. 8 pm @ DiverseWorks, 1117 East Freeway (off N. Main @ Naylor). $15 (members $10, students/seniors $8). 24-hr. reservations: 713/335-3445.

30 & June 1 (Fri. & Sat.)

Borders Benefits Gays. It’s time to go shopping! Buy your books, music, & movies, or just have coffee at Borders, because all local Borders Book Store locations will donate a portion of their profits to the Houston Gay and Lesbian Film Festival-—just bring in the benefit slip (from the film festival guide in the center of this issue of OutSmart) or mention the festival when making a purchase at the registers. A percentage of those sales will be donated to the nonprofit gay & lesbian festival by Borders.

PLANNING AHEAD FOR JUNE & JULY 2003

June 7 (Sat.)

Misty Valdez’s Galveston Show. All proceeds from this show, the pre-benefit shows, and the garage sale will go to support the work of AIDS Coalition of Coastal Texas (ACCT). Misty Valdez, a.k.a. Roland “Rolly” Suniga, is the island diva extraordinaire. Her annual benefit has raised over $50,000 through the years. In 2000, the mayor of Galveston issued a proclamation declaring the day of the benefit as Misty Valdez Day, yet Misty shies away from glory in her local fame. “The people who work at the AIDS Coalition are really the ones who deserve a pat on the back, because they are the ones that have to deal with it every day,” says Misty. “I just do it once a year.” This is her 16th anniversary benefit show @ Garza’s Kon Tiki, 315 Tremont at 23rd, Galveston.

July 19–25 (Sat.–Fri.)

Hawaii’s 6th Annual Paradise Ride. Organizers are expecting as many as 150 participants to experience Hawaii by bicycle to support a coalition of HIV/AIDS service agencies including the Life Foundation , Malama Pono–Kauai AIDS Project; and the Maui AIDS Foundation. The Paradise Ride is the only fully supported bike tour in Hawaii taking riders on a nearly 400-mile journey across Oahu, Kauai, Maui, & Molokai. The logistics of the event as well as the commitment & dedication of riders & volunteers makes this Hawaii’s and perhaps the nation’s most unique bicycle adventure, which is also helping to reduce the impact of HIV/AIDS. Since it was first launched in 1998, the event has grown to become the largest AIDS fundraiser in Hawaii history & has raised more than $1million to date. Riders have come from across Hawaii, the U.S. mainland, & overseas destinations to participate. In exchange for satisfying a minimum pledge commitment of $2,500, riders are offered the only fully-supported bicycle tour of the principal Hawaiian Islands. Support includes: three meals a day, snacks & beverages, inter-island transportation, gear & equipment transport, mechanical & logistical assistance, safety escorts, nightly entertainment, as well as special opening & closing celebrations. Registration & sponsorship info: www.paradiseridehawaii.org, or call Paradise Ride headquarters at 1-888-285-9866. Riders pay a $375 registration fee that covers all inter-island transportation for riders, their bikes, & gear as well as one-night hotel accommodations & other expenses.

PERFORMING ARTS

• Grandpa Hasn’t Moved in Days. The Singing Fertle Family returns home for a funeral, but the deceased’s dying request quickly turns the solemn occasion into a comedy. Champagnes, wines, beers, cappuccino, & munchies available throughout the show. Admission $18. May 8–Aug. 30 @ Radio Music Theatre, 2623 Colquitt. Reservations/info: 713/522-7722.

• Hamlet. Shakespeare’s tragedy is perhaps the most psychologically complex & most intensely debated play in literature. The deliberations of the doomed prince commanded to avenge his father’s murder contain some of the most arresting & beautiful stage poetry ever written. May 23–June 22 @ the Alley Theatre, 615 Texas Ave. Tickets to preview performances $20–$40; after the May 28 opening, tickets are $35–$50. Tickets available at www.alleytheatre.org, at the Alley box office, or by calling 713/228-8421.

• Houston Ballet unveils a new work by modern dance legend Paul Taylor. Also, Christopher Bruce’s Ghost Dances movingly evokes the political upheavals of Latin America. And Etudes takes the audience behind the scenes into the world of a ballet dancer, and climaxes in an exhilarating display of ballet bravura. May 22–June 1 @ the Wortham Center’s Brown Theater. Tickets ($11.50–$91.50) are available by callling 713/227-2787.

• Houston Grand Opera. The Little Prince is the timeless tale of a pilot who crash landsin the Sahara only to meet a mysterious and riddle-prone Little Prince. May 31–June22 @ the Wortham Center’s Cullen Theater, Texas at Smith. Tickets are available at 713/228-OPERA, at www.houstongrandopera.org, and at the box office (in the lobby of the Wortham Center).

• Killer Karaoke and Come Up and Slay Me Sometime are presented by Mystery Café, home of Comedy Murder Mystery Dinner Theater. • Killer Karaoke: The Gulf Coast Regional Semi-Final Three Steps Before National Silver Microphone Karaoke Competition will continue, despite an “accidental” fire and a crazed karaoke serial killer stalking the contestants. Anybody who’s actually listened to karaoke will probably side with the killer, if they can figure his or her identity. • Come Up and Slay Me Sometime: Bathtub gin isn’t the only illegal thing going on in this 1920s floating speakeasy—there’s a dead body lying around, and nobody can call the cops. Featuring special appearances by Mae West, Charles Lindbergh, and Abraham Lincoln. • Killer Karaoke plays Fridays; Come Up and Slay Me Sometime plays Saturdays. Both shows presented at 8 pm at Marriott West Loop, 1750 West Loop South at San Felipe. Reservations required: 713/944-2583 or www.mysterycafe houston.com.

• Little Mary Sunshine is a loving spoof of the Jeanette McDonald–Nelson Eddy movie musicals of the ’30s, complete with Little Mary Sunshine & an almost proper group of finishing-school girls; the stalwart Captain Jim who leads an unusual squad of Royal Canadian Mounties; a maurading renegade Indian; and a “senior” romance. A funny, tongue-in-cheek musical. 8 pm, Fridays and Saturdays, May 23–June 28 @ The Company Onstage, 536 Westbury Square. Tickets are $12. Info/reservations: 713/726-1219.

• Meat/BAR is a paean to the last 10 years: the (straight) bars, the drinks, the fun, & the folly. It’s neither a love letter nor a Dear John missive—it doesn’t take sides. There are people who go to bars to celebrate thing like 21st birthdays & promotions to mid-level management. For them, a bar is nothing more than a stopping-off point on the way to a greater glory. But for the characters of Meat/BAR, the bar itself is the greater glory—for better or worse. It’s the point of connection and the soul of the community. It’s home. In perhaps the most honest, uncomfortably familiar play Infernal Bridegroom has produced in their 10-year history, Meat/BAR follows Teddy, an expatriate of both the theater & his neighborhood bar. When he receives a mysterious call from the Meat/BAR’s proprietor, he’s sucked back into a world where the happy-hour guys call the shots, where a sweet-faced bartender always has a predictably kind word, where “change effecters” rumble with “eyerollers” and true believers refuse to let go of the past. 8 pm, May 8–31 @ the Axiom, 2524 McKinney. Tickets are $10 Thursdays, $12 Fridays, and $15 Saturdays. More info: 713/522-8443.

• Pinocchio is a world premiere musical. Geppetto’s dream of having a son comes true when magic turns one of his own creations into a singing, talking, & loving little boy. Through May 11 @ Galveston’s Strand Theatre, 2317 Ship’s Mechanic Row. Tickets $20 ($15 students/seniors, $13 balcony seating). Info/reservations: toll-free at 1-877-STRAND-9.

• Scotland Road is a psychological mystery. By the mid-1980s all of the survivors of the Titanic disaster had passed away, or had they? Found floating on an iceberg off the coast of Newfoundland is a young woman dressed in strange clothing. She says only one word, “Titanic.” Is she real or a fraud? Tickets are $10 (students/seniors $9; matinees $8). Through May 10 @ Theatre Suburbia, 1410 W. 43rd St., 713/682-3525, www.theatresuburbia.com.

• Speaking in Tongues. One random night of flirtation changes forever the lives of two couples and sets in motion the surprising stories of nine disparate people. Through May 25 @ Stages Repertory Theatre, 3201 Allen Parkway. Tickets ($32–$42; previews are $22–$25) are available by calling 713/527-0123 or by visiting www.stagestheatre.com.

• Starlight Express. Andrew Lloyd Webber has written new, never-before-heard music expressly for this production. Joining Webber in the creation of this new material is the Tony Award-nominated composer & lyricist of The Full Monty, David Yazbek. In updating the memorable score, Webber & Yazbek have included music of every genre—pop, rock, rap, blues, & country/western. Brought by London’s original creative team, this new production of Starlight, a musical about a train race, fuses state-of-the-art technology, electrifying music, and dazzling sets & costumes designed by John Napier, the Tony Award-winning designer of Cats and Les Miserables. This production also features an element never before seen in a Broadway show—3D film sequences. The technique brings the action out to & over the audience promising a journey that will not be forgotten. May 8–25 @ the Hobby Center, 800 Bagby. Tickets ($25–$68) are available by phone at 713/558-8887. at the TUTS box office, or at www.tuts.com.

• The Trip to Bountiful tells the story of Carrie Watts (Jean Stapleton), an elderly woman who makes a pilgrimage from Houston to her hometown of Bountiful, Texas. Through May 10 @ the Alley Theatre, 615 Texas Ave. Tickets available at www.alleytheatre.org, at the Alley box office, or by calling 713/228-8421.

• The Weir. The ghost story is the heart of this drama about four men in a rural Irish pub who tell stories to impress an attractive young woman, not realizing that her story is more chilling & heartbreaking than anything they can imagine. May 8–June 8 @ Main Street Theater in Rice Village, 2540 Times Blvd. Tickets are $20–$30. For more info: www.mainstreet theater.com or 713/524-6706.

PERFORMING ARTS FOR YOUNG PEOPLE

• Main Street Theater Kids on Stage Summer Performing Arts Camp. Young performers will turn into shining stars as they experience the excitement of a summer filled with theatrical activities and dance. Under the direction of professional actors, dancers, and educators, campers will learn all aspects of theater production, including acting, movement, directing, costume and set design, and makeup. Dance classes will teach campers to let loose and have fun with creative movement as well as teaching popular dance styles such as jazz, modern, hip-hop, and swing. At the end of each session, campers in each age group will produce and rehearse an eye-popping, high-energy production including a play and a choreographed dance spectacular for family and friends. For ages 4–14, June 9–Aug. 8. Prices range from $215–$465. For more info: Angela Harris, director of education, 713/524-9196, or e-mail at aharris@mainstreettheater.com.

• Sideways Stories from Wayside School. Wayside School is sideways. That’s how the builder built it. Instead of making 30 classrooms side by side, he built them one on top of the other, which is why all kinds of crazy things happen there—especially to Myron, Bebe, Leslie, Rondi, & Dameon, who attend class on the 30th floor. Through May 23 @ Main Street Theater in Chelsea Market, 4617 Montrose. Public performances: May 3, 10, 17; school performances: through May 23. Tickets for public performances are $8 for children/students/seniors, $10 for adults; for school performance rates, call 713/524-7998 or e-mail vstjohn@mainstreet theater.com. For more info: 713/524-6706 or www. mainstreet theater. com.

• Winnie the Pooh. No one can resist the Pooh’s charm as he searches the nooks & crannies of the woods for a bear’s favorite food—honey! Joining Pooh in this adventure are his forest friends Eyore, Kanga, Roo, Rabbit, Owl, & his very dear friend, Christopher Robin. Saturdays, 11 am & 1:30 pm, May 10–June 28, at the Company Onstage, 536 Westbury Square. Tickets $6. Info: 713/726-1219.

RADIO

• After Hours. Saturdays, midnight to 3 am. Featuring the QMZ (Queer Music Zone) with Jimmy Carper. KPFT 90.1 FM, 713/526-5738.

• Queer Voices. Mondays, 8-10 pm. Features, news, music, interviews, reviews, and commentary. KPFT 90.1 FM, 713/526-4000.

ART/PHOTOGRAPHY

• Architecture Matters. The American Institute of Architects of Houston will honor Architecture Month with a showing of significant architecture projects from 50 local firms. Through May 15 at Memorial City Mall’s Lord and Taylor and Foley’s wings. Mon.–Sat., 10 am–9 pm. Free. More info: 713/520-0155.

• Chinese Artists. New York-based artists Zhang Jian-Jun and Zhang Huan join with Houston-based artist Weihong in creating a large-scale visual & performance-art installation. The works interpret & reveal the nature of Houston in the 21st century by blending traditional Chinese philospophy & aesthetic with contemporary artistic practice. The exhibition further examines the artists’ collective interest in the passage of time and the Chinese Taoism principal of a universal space/time continuum. May 1–June 14 @ DiverseWorks, 1117 East Freeway, 713/335-3445, www.diverseworks.org.

• The Photographic Eye. This exhibit, part of the FotoFest events beginning this month, features three talented photographers from Prague: Igor Majilewsky, Vojtech Slama, and Aleksandra Vajd. Approximately 60 black & white prints will show the photographers’ use of the contrast between shadow & light, form & movement. Through May 18 at the Vine Street Studios, 1113 Vine Street, #101. Info: 713/223-5522, ext. 19 or www.fotofest.org.

• Splat Boom Pow! The Influence of Cartoons in Contemporary Art will showcase over 60 works of art in a variety of media by emerging & established artists. The exhibition chronicles three generations of contemporary visual artists who have used the images & techniques of cartoons to explore the challenging issues of our time. Beginning in the 1960s, Pop artists sought to show the banality & commercialism of Ameri-can culture through techniques lifted from the mass media. By the ’70s, artists were using these icons from the cartoons to communicate political & artistic per-spectives on more visceral social issues such as the war in Vietnam, race relations, & poverty. In the subse-quent decades, artists utilized the techniques, myth, & imagery of cartoons to discuss the marginalization of their communities & to advocate their positions during a time of radical social, political, & cultural change. Through Jun. 29 @ Contemporary Arts Museum, 5216 Montrose, 713/284-8250, www.camh.org.

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