The Mother of All Megastars Dame Edna is no Mother Teresa... but she was Gertrude Stein by Blase DiStefano Photo by Joan Marcus

"It is no fun having mauve hair, not when you are a school kid. I always felt different from the other girls anyway, somehow brighter, more on the ball.... I was rebellious, yet far from naughty, prematurely intelligent, yet certainly no know-all. But the thing that set me apart most of all was my halo of bright wisteria curls....

"I was always tall–I was a tall baby–and my mauve mop naturally made other girls, whether black, mousy, blonde or ginger, green with envy. My only friend seemed to be [my kindergarten teacher] Miss Ely.... With a spooky premonition of the future, Miss Ely comforted me. ‘One day you will be proud of your height and your unusual hair,’ she said soothingly.... I later learned to be proud of the crowning gift Dame Nature had given me when, as a teenager, I first started to grow hair that I could sit on."

–Dame Edna Everage, My Gorgeous Life (1989)

WHO IS DAME EDNA?

In case you’ve been out of the loop on the eccentric part of the entertainment front, Dame Edna Everage is the hilarious creation of Barry Humphries, an Australian import who became popular in England in the ’70s. Dame Edna–who refers to her audience and fans as "Possums," a somewhat-yucky but nevertheless endearing term–became wildly popular in the early ’80s. She sings, dances, but mainly talks to her audience with her distinctive brand of interactive and improvisational humor. Because of the wonderfully wry expressions on her face, Dame Edna’s silences can be as funny as her phrase turning.

Although it may appear as if it is Humphries who dons the "gay" apparel, the mauve-coifed Dame Edna is truly a separate entity; she even states in one of her letters recently written to her fans on her official website: "My manager Barry Humphries has been asked to speak at Harvard University where they will no doubt take his grandiose claims as the inventor of my act with a big pinch of salt. Obviously, in his pathetic way, he is angling for another honorary degree."

As John Simon of New York Magazine says, "The funniest man in today’s theater. Also the funniest woman."

When I was offered the chance at an almost-exclusive interview with the dame (with Dame-like modesty, let me point out that you’ll be fascinated to know that for her upcoming Houston show, at press time only OutSmart and the Houston Chronicle were granted the chance to talk to the megastar), I found the 20 minutes allotted hardly enough time to delve deeply into this tall, mauve-topped dame’s psyche. "What do you think of our new president?" "Do you believe gays should have the right to marry and to be out in the military?" "Has another woman ever put the make on you?" I had so many questions, so many. But alas, unless someone else asks Dame Edna Everage, these burning questions will go unanswered.

MOTHER OF A GAY SON?

According to the press release, "Dame Edna is a housewife, megastar, investigative journalist, social anthropologist, talk-show host, children’s-book illustrator, chanteuse, swami, advisor to British royalty, spin doctor, and icon."

They forgot "mother."

Kenneth Everage is one of three children the dame bore. In My Gorgeous Life, Dame Edna recounts the evening when Kenny needed to talk to her about something important. She was exhausted and had taken a sedative.

"Things were getting a little fuzzy," she says, so she can’t remember exactly what he said, but she thinks he said, "I’m hilarious," to which she replied, "I beg your pardon, Kenny."

According to her memory, Kenny for some reason went on to say that he had been hilarious for years, that "some wonderful people in history have all been hilarious: Lawrence of Arabia, Oscar Wilde, General Gordon, James Dean, Michel-angelo, Beethoven, Florence Nightingale...." Dame Edna continues, "I think he said ‘hilarious.’ I’m almost positive, and if it wasn’t that, it was a word that meant much the same thing." The discourse continued, until Kenny’s mum ended it by saying that "there’s nothing wrong with being hilarious. But if you are, darling, then for heaven’s sake try looking a bit happier about it."

In my phoner with Dame Edna, the word "gay" never comes up. Right when my lips are pursed for the probe–"Kenny told you he is hilarious, but..."–Dame Edna expertly maneuvers the conversation. "I never knew what he meant by that and I still don’t," she interrupts. "Every now and then, our paths cross, but because I’m so busy, we see each other briefly. He’s always trying to tell me something, but frankly he never gets it out. I think it’s a son wanting to bond with his mother and it’s natural. I have a feeling he has a little girlfriend tucked away he wants to introduce me to and he’s too shy. That’s my feeling."

Talk about clueless. Wanna know how clueless? When I ask if Kenny (who is now in his mid-30s) is still president of the Joan Crawford fan club, Dame Edna leaks more clues: "No, he’s now president of the Yvonne De Carlo fan club incorporating the Gloria Grahame Society and the Australian chapter of the Virginia Mayo Society."

"Boy, is he busy," I interject.

"He is very busy," Dame Edna says. "He was asked to be honorary treasurer
of the Mitzi Gaynor Society, but he’s too busy, too busy."

Though clueless, she apparently does have a motherly side, because what Dame Edna is saying in her response to Kenny’s "hilarity" is that there’s nothing wrong with being different. And she should know–when you’re born with mauve hair, you grow up understanding the trials and tribulations of blending in with the tedious people.

Though she later dyed her hair brown for a few years, she soon accepted the fact that she was different and reverted to her natural wisteria roots, which have become one of her many trademarks, including her glitzy glasses, glittery gowns, and glorious gladioli. The glasses are showy and attention-getting, which, as you can see, fit the dame to a T; the gowns also are showy and attention-getting and are designed by her hilarious son Kenny; and the "glads," as Dame Edna refers to the flower she distributes to some lucky members of the audience, are "from Australia, and they’re bigger and brighter than American ones, I’m sorry to say." Once you know Dame Edna, you know she’s not really all that sorry to say anything.

STRAIT-LACED & UNSAVORY?

The humorous Humphries is straight but gay-friendly. The dauntless Dame Edna is also straight; however, she is considerably strait-laced...on the surface.

Our phone conversation takes place while she is in Chicago, one of many cities in which Dame Edna will be performing her one-woman show. We begin our conversation at 10:30 a.m., and it seems that Dame Edna has just awakened. There is a bit of Barry’s bass at the beginning, but in only a few seconds Dame Edna’s voice reaches its high-pitched low tone. "I love communicating with people," she says, "and the joy of my show is that people understand me. You know, they think I’m a British entertainer. I’m not. I’m an Australian. There’s no language or dialect problem. You’re not thinking What did she say, what was that again? Everything I say is crystal clear."

Crystal clear...verbally, that is. To a question from Sam Whitehead of New York Time Out as to whether her audience in San Francisco was largely gay, Dame Edna’s response was somewhat conventional: "Someone told me there were people with proclivities in the audience, but I didn’t notice anything unusual, and I saw nothing unsavory."

"Proclivities" and "unsavory" are the kind of words Dame Edna thrives on–they’re not everyday words and their meanings are not necessarily crystal clear, yet they have an almost...uh, well, unsavory sound to them. She wants your mind to go in that direction, but she doesn’t want to be responsible for taking you there. Actually, I love the fact that she takes me there; that’s part of the fun. And simply imagining her beautifully executed voice saying those words tickles my funny bone. In fact, I had to force myself to not laugh over her answers for fear of not being able to decipher them later.

"I’m very approachable, as you found, Blase," she humbly offers. "You may find me physically a little daunting, mainly because of my incredible intellectual power, which cuts like a laser beam through hypocrisy."

Sadly, there was no time to garner some of that intellectual power in a discussion of politics, so I can only surmise that, had she been an American citizen, she would have voted Republican.

RELIGIOUS & REINCARNATED?

Luckily, there was time to touch on religion and reincarnation. Are you ready?

"People have said [somebody like me] could only happen in America, that I should start a religion," Dame Edna begins. "Where you are [in the States], Blase, is really the home of all these–dare I use the word?–‘crackpot’ religions. I think I dare. But mine would be a wholesome religion, and it would be just encouraging people to be more like me. It wouldn’t cut across any of their accepted beliefs. I don’t presume to play God or Goddess, I just want people to be nicer. Frankly, wouldn’t you say the world would be a better place if everyone was like you?"

With her question, I am abruptly removed from my total concentration on her nonstop discourse, and I let out a surprising guffaw and a "well, yes."

"I’m in a position to almost achieve that," she says matter-of-factly.

Knowing that she believes in reincarnation, her saintly attitude inspires me to ask if she thinks she was once Mother Teresa.

"Well, the problem is that she was alive at the same time. So I would have been very busy, wouldn’t I?"

She continues over my laughter. "I didn’t enjoy it much, but I was the wife of President Lincoln. All I did was work on the redecoration of the home. If you read about Lincoln, you’ll find his wife was mostly out shopping. She was the original shopper and decorator."

Any others?

"I was Emily Dickinson, the poet. I was Gertrude Stein, and, strangely enough, my bridesmaid Madge Allsop was Alice B. Toklas."

"No!" I exclaim.

"Isn’t that amazing!" Dame Edna concurs, then asks, "Ever seen a photograph of Alice B. Toklas?"

"Yes," I answer, wondering what’s coming next.

"Alice is a beauty compared to Madge," she says. Apparently, Joan Rivers is not the only woman who can get away with such a politically incorrect comment.

I’M GLAD, YOU’RE GLAD

When I ask Dame Edna about celebrating Mother’s Day, she says she’ll mostly be talking to her American godchildren. "Nicole Kidman is a goddaughter of mine," she says. "Russell Crowe is my godson. I taught Russell everything he knows. When he was a baby, and he was being christened, I brought a beautiful bunch of gladioli, and I put one in his little hand, and his little chubby fingers closed around the sturdy stalk." (If this conjures up in your mind something a little phallic, it’s supposed to, though Dame Edna would be appalled if someone were to imply that her words have double meanings.) "And do you know I think that’s what gave him the idea of GLADiator...the word association. Because he thanked me when he got the Oscar. Do you remember that? He didn’t say the words, but his lips formed my name."

"I wondered what that was," I say, my mind straying to thoughts of whether being "glad" and "hilarious" might both have something to do with clutching gladioli. "That must have been a very thrilling moment for you."

"Yes," Dame Edna replies, "it made me proud of my little protégé," and then out of the blue, "How old are you, Blase?"

"I’m 54."

"You’re a toddler, you’re a child," she says.

"Do you mind telling your age?" I timidly ask.

"Let me say that I’m a little bit older than you," she says, but then continues with a typical Dame Edna remark, "but you wouldn’t think it. I’m slightly on the wrong side of 50 and, believe me, I’m going to stay there. I’m not moving."

HOUSTON & AN ISLAND

She may not be moving, but she is traveling. Dame Edna’s visit to the Space City is expected to be a special treat for Houstonians. "My son Kenny designs all my clothes," she says, "and he’s designed some special outfits for Houston. I have heard–and this is a relief to me–that the women who come to the theater in Houston dress to the nines."

"Has this not been the case elsewhere?" I ask.

"I swear I’ve been very, very disappointed, even heartbroken, at the very low standard of dress," she says. "I always like to think my shows are an event, a bit of a landmark in people’s cultural and even sexual development. And emotional development. Moral, physical, emotional...call it what you will. And for such an event, you’d think if people had nice clothes, they’d wear them. I say to women in Boston and Detroit and Chicago, If you have nice clothes, where have you hidden them?"

"Do you plan to visit former President Bush and Barbara while you’re here?" I ask.

"I haven’t had an invitation," she says. "It’s extraordinary, isn’t it, because I helped Barbara out of a polyester phase. But no thanks from that family. But they might come to see me. You might try and arrange for someone to extend an invitation."

Instead of saying Huh? which is what I’m thinking, I say, "That’s a good idea," and then I immediately change the subject. "So Kenny designs your clothes?"

"A lot of women wear his clothes," Dame Edna says. "A lot of stars are asking where they can get Kenneth Everage originals. I think he’s the Bob Mackie of the millennium. Wait till you see the ones I’m going to wear in Houston."

"I can’t wait," I say.

Apparently our time is up. "Sorry, but I’ve got a couple of other people I’ve got to talk to," she says.

I beg to ask one more question, and she graciously agrees.

"If you were stranded on a desert island, and you could only have one person with you–not a friend, family member, or lover–who would it be?"

"Do you know," she says, "I think it would be Hillary Clinton."

"Why is that, Dame Edna?"

Her priceless retort: "Because it is the only way to keep her out of American politics."

I laugh heartily.

She ends with the perfect aside: "Naturally, I wouldn’t talk to her, and I’d keep her on the other side of the desert island."

Dame Edna: The Royal Tour plays June 5—10 at Jones Hall. Ticket prices range from $36—$55. A privileged Possum price for OutSmart readers: $40 orchestra tickets for Wednesday, June 6–use discount code "J" online at ticketmaster.com, at any Ticketmaster outlet, or by phone at 713/629-3700. Performance times are Tuesday—Saturday, June 5—9 at 8 p.m., with a Saturday matinee at 2 p.m. and the Sunday performance (June 10) at 7:30 p.m. As syndicated columnist Liz Smith said: "I don’t know when I’ve had a better time in the theater. Go right this minute and arrange your tickets!" Dame Edna opened on Broadway on October 17, 1999, and closed July 2, 2000, to get ready for this royal tour.

Interested in finding out more on the megastar Dame Edna and/or her tour? Check out these websites: Dame-Edna.com and DameEdnaOnTour.com. Her two CDs, Edna’s Show Songs–A Precious Collectors’ Item and Color Me Edna are available for purchase on the websites and will be available at her Houston show. On one of the CDs, the chanteuse croons "Friends of Kenny," a special song about her hilarious son’s friends.

Dame Edna & Tony (click here to see Dame Edna at last year’s Tony Awards)