LeftOut

by Daryl Moore

BREAST CHECK

The Bush administration promises a probe—of the Super Bowl bosomgate

Finally, we’re going to get a “swift and thorough investigation” from the Bush administration. Of course, it’s not going to be about the administration’s lie that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. The president gave that presidential commission until 2005—well after the November election—to discover and disclose what went wrong with American intelligence about Iraq’s purported possession of WMDs.

It’s not going to be about which two senior administration officials disclosed to neo-conservative columnist Robert Novak the identity of Valerie Plame as a CIA covert agent to retaliate against her husband, Joseph Wilson. Wilson is the former ambassador who criticized the White House for lying about Iraq’s effort to acquire nuclear materials from Africa. After Wilson criticized the White House, it outed Wilson’s wife as a covert CIA agent, putting the lives of her and her husband and their three-year-old twins at risk. That disclosure is being investigated by department of justice officials, who report to Attorney General John Ashcroft, who serves at the pleasure of the White House, which disclosed Plame’s identity.

It’s certainly not going to be about the perpetual raping of U.S. taxpayers by Halliburton, which overcharged the department of defense $24 million for meals in Iraq; which charged $2.64 cents/gallon (twice the going rate) for importing gas from Kuwait into Iraq; and which is being investigated by France for allegedly paying $180 million in bribes to win a natural gas project in Nigeria while vice president Cheney was still heading up Halliburton.

And, it’s certainly not going to be about Enron. That investigation has already been going on for years without a single conviction—much less an indictment of Ken Lay (“Kenny boy,” as called by Bush).

No, it’s going to be about Janet Jackson revealing her right breast at half time during the Super Bowl. Immediately after that incident, Michael Powell—FCC chairman and Colin’s son—promised a “swift and thorough investigation” of the egregious split-second long-shot showing of Janet’s right boob.

That nano-nipple shot during the family hour sent the administration into hyper-drive. Powell threatened to fine each of the 200 CBS affiliates $27,500 for letting Jackson show her breast. He also threatened to pursue an investigation against Jackson, Justin Timberlake, and MTV.

A swift and thorough investigation by the Bush administration. What a concept. If anything calls for such an investigation, Janet’s nipple surely does. After all, as Chairman Powell explained, “My family and I gathered around the television for a celebration. Instead, that celebration was tainted by a classless, crass, and deplorable stunt. Our nation’s children, parents, and citizens deserve better.”

What was the chairman celebrating before the nipple shot? The pharmaceutical ads for drugs that treat erectile dysfunction? The warning that after ingesting a magic pecker pill, a once-limp user might experience a four-hour erection and, if so, should consult a doctor? Or was the chairman celebrating the Budweiser ad in which a redneck’s trained mutt commandeers a Budweiser by latching onto its holder’s crotch until he drops the Bud?

Whatever. The chairman is right. Americans deserve better. We deserve an acknowledgment of responsibility from the administration like the one Janet Jackson gave. The day after the Super Bowl, Jackson stated: “It was not my intention that it go as far as it did. I apologize to anyone offended—including the audience, MTV, CBS, and the NFL.” Jackson also refused to blame anyone else. Instead, she took sole responsibility, explaining that Timberlake, MTV, and CBS knew nothing in advance about the stunt. Jackson stated the stunt was her idea, and hers alone.

Maybe the outraged Bush administration should take note. Maybe President Bush should say, “It was not my intention to mislead the American public about Iraq’s possession of weapons of mass destruction. But I am the president, and I take sole responsibility.”

Or maybe he should say, “It was not the White House’s intention to reveal the identity of a covert CIA operative and to put her life and the life of her husband and their three-year-old twins at risk. I am the president. I take responsibility for those in the White House who made such a reckless disclosure. And I promise to find, and punish, the persons who made it.”

But Bush won’t. Because it’s easier for this president and this White House to talk about Janet’s right breast and gay marriage than it is to talk about the soaring deficit, the loss of 2.2 million jobs in the last three years, and the outsourcing of the American labor force.

Chairman Powell is right. Our children, parents, and citizens deserve better. We deserve better than a Bush. After all, a Bush is more crass and deplorable than a breast.

Writing from the liberal side, Houston attorney Daryl Moore has a general practice and is board certified in civil and appellate law.

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