The Fundamental Things Apply
In celebration of kissing
by David Parnell

"A kiss is just a kiss." More untrue words have never been uttered. Kissing is expression. Kissing is communication. Kissing is a nonverbal form of saying exactly what you’re feeling. One should never underestimate the power of a kiss. It sets you free, it makes you a prisoner, it fills you up, and it can leave you broken and longing for more. So you see, a kiss is never just a kiss.

For centuries, humankind has resorted to lip-locking to say the things that could not be expressed in words. As the first caveman dragged the first cavewoman (or the second caveman) by the hair, she (or he) went willingly. Why? He was an excellent kisser. From friendship to all-consuming passion, the deepest or most playful emotions can be expressed by the simplest and most difficult act two people can do.

So what makes a good kiss? That is a question that is difficult to answer. There is no such thing as a bad kiss, but unfortunately, there are bad kissers. Every kiss is different, every message personal. There are as many different kisses as there are messages one wants to convey.

The Friendship Kiss

Only the luckiest of people know about the friendship kiss. Europeans have experienced it for years. That gentle peck on the cheek, that soft brushing of two people together, it says, "Hey, I really like you." There is no question of motivation, no negotiation for sexual relations. It is pure, it is enlightenment. It can be done in many ways.

While overseas, I witnessed the most miraculous thing. Two men who had been walking arm in arm, parting with a gentle kiss on the lips. I was stunned. I had no idea two men could kiss in the streets without all the shopkeepers attacking them with their brooms. It was so simple and natural, as if this sort of behavior had been going on for quite some time. I realized then and there what I had been missing. As I walked the streets of Brussels with a friend of mine, I decided to be brave and give it a try. My friend was typically British so I was a bit apprehensive about plotting a public display of affection. We were laughing and sharing stories of our childhood as we walked, and I was really starting to feel close to him. As we were about to part company, I leaned in, and with my lips shut tight, I placed them on his. To my surprise, he leaned in also to receive them. There was no awkwardness. Just two friends expressing appreciation for the company they were keeping. From then on I was addicted. Every person I’d meet, I’d kiss. From the quick peck on the cheek to the holding of an arm and the joining of the mouths, I could not get enough. Perhaps the most beautiful of the kisses to watch, this friendship kiss, it is also the most undervalued.

The Stolen Kiss

Much like a smile, it can occur anytime and anywhere. It starts in your belly, moves to your heart, and ends up in your mouth. Sitting in a dark theater, waiting for a crowded bus, reading the Sunday paper–it just happens. You know what I’m talking about, that inexplicable urge to stop whatever you’re doing and go on an affection attack. It’s happened to you, admit it. You’re in your kitchen washing dishes when suddenly your partner comes in for a cold beverage. You turn around, walk toward them and give them a big ol’ kiss. Why? Because you can. For the most part, they are welcomed and appreciated.

It’s happened to me. While riding a roller coaster in Sandusky, Ohio, a partner of mine got the itch. As we ascended up a hill, I heard him say my name. I turned to look at him and out of the blue he planted a quick yet slobbery kiss on me in front of God and the country. It definitely made the ride more thrilling. There is no reasoning with a stolen kiss. It’s best if you just go with it and accept it with gratitude. After all, worse things could happen to you.

The Passionate Kiss

Romantics dream of it, cowards fear it. It quickens your breath, it makes your heart race. This kiss inspires poetry and song. This kiss ignites jealousy and rage. This kiss knows no satisfaction. Whether performed by lovers or strangers, this kiss has one single message, "I want you."

My most passionate kiss occurred with a lover of several years. He had gone to Boston on business for two weeks and it was the first time we had been separated for such a long time. I eagerly watched the clock until the front door opened, and I was standing there waiting for him. His arms were weighed down with his baggage but I didn’t care. I wrapped my arms around his neck, my hands held the back of his head, pulling him closer. Our chests were pressed together and I could feel the pounding of his heart; I couldn’t let go. I pulled him down to the floor and ran my tongue across his neck and chin. I teased him, pretending I was going to kiss him, then pulling away. I traced the outline of his face with my nose, his breath rushing past my head. I put my open mouth on his open mouth and just left it there. I felt him, I tasted him, I breathed in his scent.

A passionate kiss calls for surrender...and you listen.

Most people underestimate the power of a kiss. That’s a shame. Imagine what world problems could be solved if we just surrendered to the urge, the questions we could answer without saying a word. Whether you want to tell your best friend how much you value him or tell a stranger how much you adore her, a kiss is a useful tool. A kiss isn’t just two pair of lips pressed together . . . no, it’s two minds meeting and agreeing on a common thought. It is one person saying, "This is how I feel about you," and the other person saying, "Yes, I understand."