|
Sacred
Sexuality
I
sing the body electric: In a room high above SMU, serenaded
by Donna Summer, I discovered a whole different way
to be sexual ... and to be myself
by Alan Davidson
I
lift my head up to look around the room and think, "This
is decidedly weird."
I'm
in an old hotel ballroom, in downtown Dallas, with 21
other men, giving and receiving Taoist Erotic genital
massage. Then an intense wave of sensation undulates
from my groin, obliterates my ability to think of such
mundane things, and I relax once again into the massage.
The ministrations of my masseur, the intense breathing
techniques, and the music combine to create a sustained
level of pleasure I never imagined possible. The music
fades. The leader calls for the masseurs to move to
the next table. New hands caress my body and the first
strains of Donna Summer's I Feel Love pound through
the speakers. I smile, remembering the fun of dancing
to this song in the '70s. With a flash I gain a moment
of insight. Ms. Summer is not just singing about the
thrill of being gay as I had imagined, or "hot sex;"
which was most of my priority during those times. Suddenly
that '70s classic is saying so much more to me; it includes
the love I feel now, on this table, vibrating with pleasure.
It reminds me that conscious sex includes a love that
dissolves shame and fear and instills courage and pleasure.
In the immortal words of the beloved teacher from Kung
Fu, "Ah, So! Grasshopper." This is what sacred sex can
be.
Western
religions teach us that our bodies are the source of
sin. They teach us that celibacy is the only path to
God and that sex outside of marriage is a one-way ticket
to hell. (Well, what if all the fornicators who have
ever lived are in hell? Maybe there's a wing just for
gays and lesbians. It could be a fun place to spend
a couple of millennia....). Fortunately Eastern religions
hold a broader concept about sex and spirituality. They
teach that sex, when used properly, can be one of the
most dynamic paths to God. Why wait for hell, live now!
The
mystical traditions recognize that sexual energy can
be a potent source of spiritual energy. The kaballists
have their sex magic. The erotic rituals of a sect of
Chinese Taoism cultivate transformative energies which
are used for great benefits for self and community healing.
The East Indians and Tibetans have Tantra. Tantra, which
gave us the Kama Sutra, is the art and science of cultivating
sexual energy and directing it to spiritual transformation.
Deepak
Chopra says, "Tantra is the closest you can get to magic
or alchemy or transmutation. Tantric rituals are basically
spiritual disciplines that allow you to trap and transform
power. When properly understood, Tantra is one of the
most dynamic and consistent paths to enlightenment.
Of course, sexuality is a component of it. Tantra acknowledges
that sexual energy is the most powerful energy in the
universe because it is the creative energy in the universe."
I
believe exploring the concepts and practices of erotic
rituals are important for Westerners. We have a deep
sexual wounding from our Judeo-Christian heritage. Our
sexual natures were first denied when Adam and Eve "saw
their nakedness" and were evicted from the Garden of
Eden. Original sin is the philosophical and psychological
wedge that denies us the pleasures and experiences of
our physical bodies. Healing erotic rituals allow us
to experience our bodies as sacred, to experience sexual
energy as the cosmic creative gift that it is.
I
am standing in a circle of men. This is my first Body
Electric seminar. I am anxious about what this weekend
will hold. I know soon we'll all be naked and that at
some point I'll be giving a complete stranger a genital
massage. Not that that's never happened before. Just
not in broad daylight, in a room full of other men overlooking
SMU. (That's a cosmic joke in itself which gives me
great amusement). I had heard of the Body Electric School
before. It's based in California and offers sex-positive
experiences for men who love men and women who love
women-as well as for some especially brave straight
people. They offer a variety of weekend seminars and
longer retreats which facilitate sexual healing, intimacy,
and exploring a variety of erotic pleasures.
With
my own fears and insecurities about my body and sexual
performance, I discounted the Body Electric School.
Years passed while I explored other spiritual practices
and slowly matured emotionally. I practiced Tai Chi,
chanted the OM, discovered yoga and insight meditation.
I went from being bartender at Rich's to becoming a
massage therapist and teacher. As a massage therapist
I am fascinated by the subtle physical energies that
animate the grosser tissues of the body. I explored
reflexology, polarity therapy, and deep-tissue somatic
massage, which all have a spiritual component. However;
my dream of a committed, intimate, sexually potent,
life-changing relationship still eluded me. I had studied
Tantra, but not practiced it. I was feeling inadequate
about my sexual skills. My friend David called to share
his own extraordinary experience with Body Electric.
He assured me I'd love it. The emotional and psychological
payoff (not to mention sexual payoff) of the class was
well worth the risks he'd taken. I remember David as
one of the more sexually modest members of our old group.
If he could do it, I knew I could too. Insecurities
be damned.
As
the workshop unfolds I realize something quickly. This
weekend is more about intimacy than sex. I have spent
years moving through spiritual communities learning
about intimacy. Much to my regret I rarely found much
emotional depth with other gay men. The Body Electric
work emphasizes connection over technique. And there
are great techniques. John, our seminar leader, explains
the penis is the part of a man's body which "gets the
most amount of massage with the least amount of imagination."
There are opportunities to reveal ourselves and to share;
to look deeply into the eyes of other men ... or not.
The thing I notice is the respect that each man is given.
No matter where a man's at physically, emotionally,
sexually, mentally, or spiritually, he is honored. There
is a constant celebration of the male body and we are
encouraged to embrace our erotic selves. For all my
insecurities over the shape of my body or the size of
my genitals I have never felt more welcome in a group
of gay men. That is a gift I will take to my grave.
A
primary key in Tantra is the ability to be present with
your partner; to focus with eye contact, to match the
rhythms of the breath, or meditate together. Tantra
also teaches the importance of mastering the orgasm.
Women have four levels of orgasm: the clitoral orgasm,
the vaginal orgasm, multiple orgasms, and the amrita,
or divine nectar. Men are taught to master ejaculation.
Rather than lose their sexual energy out through the
penis, the orgasm is directed up the spine through the
energy centers of the body (called chakras in Tantra).
Thus men become capable of multiple or "full body orgasms."
As a friend recently observed, "If both partners are
capable of multiple orgasms, how do you know when to
stop?" What a dilemma.
Tantric
rituals are most effective in committed long-term relationships.
The defenses and barriers of our personality are healed
in the safety, intensity, and intimacy of our primary
relationships. My friend Sean Michael used to say, "Intimacy
means Into-Me- See." Keith Hennessy, a San Francisco-based
performance artist and spiritual teacher, defines intimacy
as, "The ability to be naked with another person and
relax. Naked in all its connotations." I explain intimacy
as an undefended encounter between two or more individuals.
Each of these describe the expression of a self without
the armor of defenses, the vulnerability of just being
with another person.
Trust
is necessary to create a level of intimacy. I was having
coffee at Starbuck's with my friend Joe the other day.
He jokingly asked me for my definition of trust. I didn't
readily have one. After some soul searching and contemplation,
I came up with this: If I trust you, it means I've put
my confidence in you, relying on your character, your
strength, your truth. I believe trust is earned and
sustained over time. There are levels of trust, as with
trusting someone with my respect, my home, my dog, my
money, my life, my heart. I also come back to something
Keith Hennessy said about trusting in relationships.
"Once I determine that the other person is not a psychopath
or going to overtly abuse me, the emphasis of trust
changes from them back to me. It's not an issue of whether
I can trust them, but can I trust myself enough to take
care of me in the relationship."
Once
trust and intimacy are established, commitment is needed
for that maximum healing. Especially with the intensity
that tantric relationships generate. Commitment is needed
to create the container that allows for all the personality
defenses, or character armor, to present themselves
(and they do!). Character armor is the defenses we habitually
use to protect ourselves from being hurt. For example,
when I feel vulnerable I may try to cling or grasp onto
my partner for reassurance. In the brilliant way that
the world works, I generally choose partners who feel
smothered by that clinging and they retreat. Which usually
creates a spiral of more grasping and retreating. A
solid commitment and good dialogue skills can diffuse
that spiral and allow real healing to begin. Dissolving
those defenses does create more safety and vulnerability,
which is the true measure of spiritual strength. Mastering
erotic energy has two primary results. In the art of
lovemaking it creates ecstatic satisfaction. It also
generates intense energy for healing on all levels of
body, mind, and spirit.
As
a teacher and a professional body-worker, I think it
wise to add: Spiritual and body-centered transformation
is a personal journey The practices that involve a teacher,
therapist, or facilitator are not to be used for cultivating
sexual energy. Healthy, consensual sex is defined as
sex between two individuals who share an equal balance
of power. This excludes professional relationships such
as doctor/patient (or psychotherapist/patient), lawyer/client,
or teachers/student. Sex between a professional and
his or her client is abusive. Erotic rituals invoke
powerful energetic experiences. Utilized unconsciously
they can hurt relationships and spiritual evolution.
It
is the final afternoon of the weekend workshop. For
the past two hours I have received erotic massage from
six masseurs. I have breathed, thrashed, shuddered,
moaned, and sighed. After 40 years I have experienced
myself in a totally different and unique way. I am also
delirious from the session. The music fades and John
leads us in a minute of deep rhythmic breathing, then
three deep breaths followed by a sound. We are instructed
to begin the Big Draw which directs the accumulated
erotic energy throughout the body. I tighten all my
muscles, including my breath, and hold them as long
as I can. I finally collapse onto the table. I am wrapped
in the sheet from the table which gives me the sense
of being shrouded. A stream of total relaxation spreads
from my belly, through my legs and arms, and to my mind.
I continue to breathe as the first strains of The Mission
soundtrack begin. It is a most beautiful piece of music
and one of my favorites. The next thing I realize is
that my consciousness is floating above the massage
table. I'm looking down on my body. I'm having an out-of-body
experience. I am peculiarly comfortable with this event.
I feel perfectly right with the world and my place in
it. I am once again reminded that conscious sex, intimacy,
and connectedness make something else possible: a way
of being human that transcends the limitations I often
place on myself. For a rare moment I feel free! Ah,
So! Grasshopper. So this is sacred sex.
Started
15 years ago by gay sexual pioneer Joseph Kramer, Body
Electric is based in Oakland. For more information and
a complete calandar of workshops, their contact information
is: 510/653-1594; e-mail: bodyelec@aol.com;
website: www.bodyelectric.org.
Currently,
the Body Electric community in Dallas is more active
than in Houston, although Body Electric workshops have
been offered in Houston on and off in the last 10 years.
Currently, all Texas workshops are for men (they are
eagerly looking for a Texas women's coordinator; women's
workshops are being offered in L.A., N.Y.C., Vancouver,
Oakland, Seattle, among other cities.
A
level-one workshop for men, "Celebrating the Body Erotic,"
will be offered in Dallas, March 11-12. The level one
is a prerequisite for a variety of advanced workshops.
"Power, Surrender, and Intimacy," an advanced workshop
which explores a conscious approach to the techniques
and dynamics of S&M, will be offered March 31-April
2. For more information or to register, contact the
Oakland office, or call the Dallas Body Electric coordinator
Todd Smith at 214/942-3062. There will be an introductory
workshop in Houston for men living with HIV, "Celebrating
and Reclaiming," October 7-8. The Houston coordinator
is Gabriel Clark, at 713/426-5196. Cost for most workshops
is $295.
|
