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Burlesque: Who Cares if It Sucks?

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It’s Cher’s long-awaited return to the screen. Roof-raising pop princess Xtina is starring in it. Will it be ‘Cabaret’? Or ‘Glitter’? Does it matter?
by Steven Foster

At press time, Burlesque had not yet hit theaters. Burlesque, as you know, is the most unrepentant run for the gay movie dollar since . . . well . . . since ever. The plot, about a compassionate Darfur orphanage worker diagnosed with an incurable case of Hodgkins lymphoma . . . oh, who cares what the movie’s really about? It’s got Cher!

There is some perverse pleasure in seeing our favorite diva and Bob Mackie’s most famous mannequin actually sit on press junkets and try to sell us the reason she took the role was because the film “spoke” to her, or she at last found a script that was really “about” something. Come on. We all know the real reason: someone just wanted to redo her manse. (See “Cher’s New Hollywood Home,” Architectural Digest, July 2010.)

Christina Aguilera

Look, no one’s walking into this sparkly, choreographed, gay wet dream expecting Citizen Kane. Those of you who are going to see this movie are just looking for high camp, showgirlie costumes, fabulously over-the-top dance numbers, and Christina Aguilera reminding all the Britneys and Rihannas who’s got the real pipes, while desperately trying to make us forget the underwhelming Bionic.

Oh, and you’re also looking to see Cher! The only thing the producers have to worry about is if this movie comes out and people find out she’s only in it for 10 minutes. If so, Regal Cinemas is going to have a royal problem indeed—with a lot of angry queens.

Steven Foster is a regular contributor to OutSmart magazine.

The Soundtrack

Here the Goddess of All Things Gay teams up with Christina Aguilera on the soundtrack of her first movie musical. The prophetically titled “You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me,” Cher’s first single new song in seven years, hints that her legacy lives on. The vocally untouchable Aguilera shines throughout with holiday blockbuster glitz, too, having co-written five of the powerful soundtrack’s tunes. RCA Records (sonymusic.com). —Nancy Ford

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